text
stringlengths 3
40.2k
| class
stringclasses 2
values | cleaned_text
stringlengths 3
40k
|
|---|---|---|
I guess I'm still not in danger, because I thought when you're really in danger and you have a plan, you get a feeling of peace. At least I have some peace in the sense that, if I do get to where I can't think of any way not to go through with it, I've set out a couple of rules for myself to make the best of it. Like, I know where I'd do it, to make sure my kids aren't at risk of finding me. I'm finally drunk enough to stop fucking crying for the first time in... 14 hours now, looks like. Nothing's going to make this better. I'm in therapy. I'm on meds. My spouse is super supportive and I have literally everything to live for. And still here I am, thinking about how I'll make sure my kids have someone to look to when I'm gone. This is the only place I can say anything, because when I do make an attempt, I'm too careful to make a cry for help or try something that might not work. If it gets to that, nobody's going to know until I'm gone.
Just like when I called the suicide hotline 20 years ago, when I first had thoughts of dying, and I just sobbed that it was stupid of me to call because I was probably fine and they said okay. I'm way too self-controlled to say something like this if I were actually about to do something; I'd just do it. I'm so fucking tired of not being sick enough.
I'm not even looking for help. I can't imagine what anybody could do and I never get responses from anybody, anywhere. I just get more and more isolated as time goes on, the harder I work to face my fears and reach out. It's just that I don't have anybody else who understands. The people who care about me worry too much and my psychiatrist and therapist worry too little. I've never fit and I'm never going to.
|
self-harm
|
i guess i'm still not in danger, because i thought when you're really in danger and you have a plan, you get a feeling of peace. at least i have some peace in the sense that, if i do get to where i can't think of any way not to go through with it, i've set out a couple of rules for myself to make the best of it. like, i know where i'd do it, to make sure my kids aren't at risk of finding me. i'm finally drunk enough to stop fucking crying for the first time in.. 14 hours now, looks like. nothing's going to make this better. i'm in therapy. i'm on meds. my spouse is super supportive and i have literally everything to live for. and still here i am, thinking about how i'll make sure my kids have someone to look to when i'm gone. this is the only place i can say anything, because when i do make an attempt, i'm too careful to make a cry for help or try something that might not work. if it gets to that, nobody's going to know until i'm gone. just like when i called the suicide hotline 20 years ago, when i first had thoughts of dying, and i just sobbed that it was stupid of me to call because i was probably fine and they said okay. i'm way too self-controlled to say something like this if i were actually about to do something; i'd just do it. i'm so fucking tired of not being sick enough. i'm not even looking for help. i can't imagine what anybody could do and i never get responses from anybody, anywhere. i just get more and more isolated as time goes on, the harder i work to face my fears and reach out. it's just that i don't have anybody else who understands. the people who care about me worry too much and my psychiatrist and therapist worry too little. i've never fit and i'm never going to.
|
Anyone knows how many zopiclone 7.5mg pills i need to finally end it all?
|
self-harm
|
anyone knows how many zopiclone 7.5mg pills i need to finally end it all?
|
I tried sleeping it off. It didn’t work. I’m so fucking worthless.
No one in my life gives a damn about me, I’m just a fucking object.
My own parents hate me. I can’t even repeat some of the things he’s said to me.
If I’m gone they can do what they normally do anyways, who’s to stop them but the police.
Who’s to stop me?
Who’s to stop me from hanging myself as soon as I’m left alone. Hell I could do it right now they wouldn’t notice. They wouldn’t care until they had to get into the room I was in. They wouldn’t worry about me. They don’t give a shit about me.
I don’t even want to write a note. I want everyone in agony wondering if they caused this. They did. If they really gave a shit I wouldn’t be on this subreddit, I tried reaching out, I tried. No one gives a single damn.
I just wish someone fucking cared.
|
self-harm
|
i tried sleeping it off. it didn't work. i'm so fucking worthless. no one in my life gives a damn about me, i'm just a fucking object. my own parents hate me. i can't even repeat some of the things he's said to me. if i'm gone they can do what they normally do anyways, who's to stop them but the police. who's to stop me? who's to stop me from hanging myself as soon as i'm left alone. hell i could do it right now they wouldn't notice. they wouldn't care until they had to get into the room i was in. they wouldn't worry about me. they don't give a shit about me. i don't even want to write a note. i want everyone in agony wondering if they caused this. they did. if they really gave a shit i wouldn't be on this subreddit, i tried reaching out, i tried. no one gives a single damn. i just wish someone fucking cared.
|
Constantly thinking about suicide is just a living death.
I’m so pathetic.
Please let this misery end.
|
self-harm
|
constantly thinking about suicide is just a living death. i'm so pathetic. please let this misery end.
|
Easy ways to commit suicide.... Where do I hang the noose? How do I get drugs to od? Where do I buy guns? Please suggest a way to commit suicide in india. Please don't say jump off your balcony or slit your wrists as those never work. And if I survive it I still want to play video games.
|
self-harm
|
easy ways to commit suicide.. where do i hang the noose? how do i get drugs to od? where do i buy guns? please suggest a way to commit suicide in india. please don't say jump off your balcony or slit your wrists as those never work. and if i survive it i still want to play video games.
|
I mean, I do have interests and aspirations, but as far as the day to day monotony of life... what’s the point? I haven’t found a career that’s fiscally obtainable for me to enter (namely being a pilot), that remotely interests me. I feel like I’ll be forever stuck at some 9:5 I hate with no time to participate in hobbies I like and no time to travel or spend time with loved ones.
Basically, I just really hate that our lives revolve mostly around work unless you’re fortunate enough to be making a lot of money or have found a career you love showing up for. I just don’t see the point.
|
self-harm
|
i mean, i do have interests and aspirations, but as far as the day to day monotony of life.. what's the point? i haven't found a career that's fiscally obtainable for me to enter (namely being a pilot), that remotely interests me. i feel like i'll be forever stuck at some 9:5 i hate with no time to participate in hobbies i like and no time to travel or spend time with loved ones. basically, i just really hate that our lives revolve mostly around work unless you're fortunate enough to be making a lot of money or have found a career you love showing up for. i just don't see the point.
|
I’m struggling a lot at the moment and I don’t know how to deal with it. I am in no imminent danger, just feeling very uneasy.
|
self-harm
|
i'm struggling a lot at the moment and i don't know how to deal with it. i am in no imminent danger, just feeling very uneasy.
|
i hate myself beyond words. and i dont think that will ever change. who wants to be around that? who wants to be friends with that? who wants to hear that every day? just an endless spewing of shit. who fucking cares. there are good people out there that are positive and actually deserve your time and respect. people with personalities. productive people. people that take care of themselves. people that smile and laugh and trust and hope and fit in and love and forgive and have experiences. just let me fucking rot. there’s no hope. i am not worth it. clearly.
|
self-harm
|
i hate myself beyond words. and i dont think that will ever change. who wants to be around that? who wants to be friends with that? who wants to hear that every day? just an endless spewing of shit. who fucking cares. there are good people out there that are positive and actually deserve your time and respect. people with personalities. productive people. people that take care of themselves. people that smile and laugh and trust and hope and fit in and love and forgive and have experiences. just let me fucking rot. there's no hope. i am not worth it. clearly.
|
Okay so to preface this is in no way sexual, it’s purely just a form of escapism that has developed for me the last few days or so. I’m posting this wondering if anyone else can relate to this.
Lately I’ve started getting deep into this fantasy of inciting my own murder. I imagine how I would find someone to do it, what they would look like, how they would do it, etc. Like today I’ve been thinking about a timeline where I post on reddit somewhere inciting for someone to kill me. They contact me and I tell them that I want to be shot point blank from behind while I’m walking somewhere. We pick the date and the location and discuss what to do with my body. I’ve been constantly thinking about a way I can escape all this pain I’m in all the time and it’s gotten to the point where the thought of someone murdering me is more comforting than the thought of having to live any longer. I feel like everything in my life is telling me that I should die. I’m considering going to this bridge that goes over the river in my city, it’s very high up. I want to just sit on the edge at the top of it and look at the water and feel how high up I am. The thought of that is also comforting. If I felt like it I could just jump off and it would all be over. If I got drunk and went up there I know I would do it. I have no doubt. I guess I’m just conflicted. I’m still trying to hold onto hope but I don’t think I can ever really get better. I feel like my issues are too ingrained and there’s too many. Even if I could fix them do I have it in me to work that hard for that long? I hate myself so deeply I don’t even think I deserve to feel better if I’m honest. I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore. This post went on a complete tangent.
TLDR: anyone else fantasize about getting murdered??
|
self-harm
|
okay so to preface this is in no way sexual, it's purely just a form of escapism that has developed for me the last few days or so. i'm posting this wondering if anyone else can relate to this. lately i've started getting deep into this fantasy of inciting my own murder. i imagine how i would find someone to do it, what they would look like, how they would do it, etc. like today i've been thinking about a timeline where i post on reddit somewhere inciting for someone to kill me. they contact me and i tell them that i want to be shot point blank from behind while i'm walking somewhere. we pick the date and the location and discuss what to do with my body. i've been constantly thinking about a way i can escape all this pain i'm in all the time and it's gotten to the point where the thought of someone murdering me is more comforting than the thought of having to live any longer. i feel like everything in my life is telling me that i should die. i'm considering going to this bridge that goes over the river in my city, it's very high up. i want to just sit on the edge at the top of it and look at the water and feel how high up i am. the thought of that is also comforting. if i felt like it i could just jump off and it would all be over. if i got drunk and went up there i know i would do it. i have no doubt. i guess i'm just conflicted. i'm still trying to hold onto hope but i don't think i can ever really get better. i feel like my issues are too ingrained and there's too many. even if i could fix them do i have it in me to work that hard for that long? i hate myself so deeply i don't even think i deserve to feel better if i'm honest. i don't know what i'm talking about anymore. this post went on a complete tangent. tldr: anyone else fantasize about getting murdered??
|
I’ve been thinking abt it and if/when I do commit I really would have no idea what to put in a suicide note. What do most people say in theirs?
|
self-harm
|
i've been thinking abt it and if/when i do commit i really would have no idea what to put in a suicide note. what do most people say in theirs?
|
So, the average penis size in the UK is 6.36 inches, yet mine is about 3.75 inches. That's fucking disgusting and abysmal. Everything just keeps piling on top and it always has to be me who gets shit. Why? Fuck it, I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT
|
self-harm
|
so, the average penis size in the uk is 6.36 inches, yet mine is about 3.75 inches. that's fucking disgusting and abysmal. everything just keeps piling on top and it always has to be me who gets shit. why? fuck it, i'm fucking sick of this shit
|
I want to die i want to die i just want to die die die die die die die die die
|
self-harm
|
i want to die i want to die i just want to die die die die die die die die die
|
I........ do not have the physical or the emotional strength to live and continuously endure the emotional pain which is eating me up.
I've contemplated suicide multiple times but couldn't do it as I fear of :
- unsuccessful attempt
- extreme physical pain
What are the easy readily available ways to do it?
|
self-harm
|
i.. do not have the physical or the emotional strength to live and continuously endure the emotional pain which is eating me up. i've contemplated suicide multiple times but couldn't do it as i fear of : - unsuccessful attempt - extreme physical pain what are the easy readily available ways to do it?
|
The whole point of life is to try to enjoy the uniqueness of the situation that you're given and to make the best of it. It just isn't working for me. Every day I let myself down. I've been trying for years to try to make myself someone I'm proud to see in my mirror. I've tried to change my views of myself but my mind just screams at me all the time about how my life is nothing. It isn't even horrible, it's just so horribly average that I can't do anything else but ruin it at every turn. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. I'm just so bored all the time and I can never achieve the things that I set out to accomplish. I've tried therapy and medication but nothing works. I've already made a complicated plan to kill myself to make sure that I'm absolutely sure. With everything going on now in the world, it's probably for the best. I'm done.
|
self-harm
|
the whole point of life is to try to enjoy the uniqueness of the situation that you're given and to make the best of it. it just isn't working for me. every day i let myself down. i've been trying for years to try to make myself someone i'm proud to see in my mirror. i've tried to change my views of myself but my mind just screams at me all the time about how my life is nothing. it isn't even horrible, it's just so horribly average that i can't do anything else but ruin it at every turn. i'm not sure if that makes any sense. i'm just so bored all the time and i can never achieve the things that i set out to accomplish. i've tried therapy and medication but nothing works. i've already made a complicated plan to kill myself to make sure that i'm absolutely sure. with everything going on now in the world, it's probably for the best. i'm done.
|
I don’t know what to do anymore. I thought I was depressed and stuck before but it can only get worse right? The absolute love of my life and I are splitting up, I don’t have a choice but to let him go(which I ruined the relationship) my last one gave me mental illnesses in which I can’t control my emotions and turn abusive at some points so I can’t stop him from leaving.. I’m trying to get help but it won’t be fast enough to fix our relationship before he goes forever. He’s already given me so many chances in which I threw away cause honestly I can’t control myself no matter how much I talk to myself or tell myself that he’s not what I think he is (I’ve been taken advantage of, cheated on, and verbally abused almost everyday for the last year by an ex and it’s traumatized me) Everyday is like a constant mental fight with myself, I wish he understood that I am trying to change for him but it’s just too much to control. Trust me, I don’t even like myself anymore, physically or mentally. while all this is going on I found out that I’m pregnant with our baby in which we still live with our parents and are currently splitting up. I’ve considered an abortion so my baby doesn’t have to go through split up, young parents and a mom with issues. But I love them so much already I won’t be able to live with myself if I have an abortion. My bf insist I get one to avoid him paying childcare ( don’t want him to either to but it’s the law) or I decide on having the baby and giving to him not being a mom for them and constantly going through seeing my bf live a happy life with a new family when I know he’s my soulmate. My kid will love his dad way more than me and they’ll all probably move on from me and I’ll be that messed up mom that everyone that’s about and is never there for her child. My bf is moving out tomorrow. I think it’s time.. I’m going to have to have an abortion and just end it all afterwards.. I’m so sorry to my family, I’m disappointed in how everything is turning out. I love my family, boyfriend and baby all endlessly but I can’t live with the loss of my baby and boyfriend who I know is the one in one year, it’s disappointing with how my first pregnancy went and a relationship where I know 100% that he’s the best for me and such an amazing guy.. I’m sorry
|
self-harm
|
i don't know what to do anymore. i thought i was depressed and stuck before but it can only get worse right? the absolute love of my life and i are splitting up, i don't have a choice but to let him go(which i ruined the relationship) my last one gave me mental illnesses in which i can't control my emotions and turn abusive at some points so i can't stop him from leaving.. i'm trying to get help but it won't be fast enough to fix our relationship before he goes forever. he's already given me so many chances in which i threw away cause honestly i can't control myself no matter how much i talk to myself or tell myself that he's not what i think he is (i've been taken advantage of, cheated on, and verbally abused almost everyday for the last year by an ex and it's traumatized me) everyday is like a constant mental fight with myself, i wish he understood that i am trying to change for him but it's just too much to control. trust me, i don't even like myself anymore, physically or mentally. while all this is going on i found out that i'm pregnant with our baby in which we still live with our parents and are currently splitting up. i've considered an abortion so my baby doesn't have to go through split up, young parents and a mom with issues. but i love them so much already i won't be able to live with myself if i have an abortion. my bf insist i get one to avoid him paying childcare ( don't want him to either to but it's the law) or i decide on having the baby and giving to him not being a mom for them and constantly going through seeing my bf live a happy life with a new family when i know he's my soulmate. my kid will love his dad way more than me and they'll all probably move on from me and i'll be that messed up mom that everyone that's about and is never there for her child. my bf is moving out tomorrow. i think it's time.. i'm going to have to have an abortion and just end it all afterwards.. i'm so sorry to my family, i'm disappointed in how everything is turning out. i love my family, boyfriend and baby all endlessly but i can't live with the loss of my baby and boyfriend who i know is the one in one year, it's disappointing with how my first pregnancy went and a relationship where i know 100% that he's the best for me and such an amazing guy.. i'm sorry
|
I keep looking back on my life, and I can't help but feel like the universe is trying to kill me.
Literally from the moment I was born, I had a breathing issue that had to be dealt with. Less than a year later, I got a very bad case of the flu and had to get hospitalized. A few years ago, I slipped on something (still no idea what the fuck it was), hit my head, and could've bled out if the doctor hadn't hurried the fuck up.
I'm also being driven to suicide by bullshit that's not my fault. I'm bisexual, so of course both of my parents seem to be biphobic. I've been to four different schools, two of which have consisted of mostly bullies and homophobes. At one of my schools, even the teachers hated me even though I was a well behaved student. It also doesn't help that I'm autistic, so going through all of this shit while only being able to keep one friend is tough.
On the topic of my one friend, for literally no reason, I've just lost all interest in talking to him. I like him and he's really nice, I just lost interest for no reason. Then that makes me feel lonely, and I feel horrible for not wanting to talk to him, which makes me even more depressed and even closer to suicide.
There are only two things that have stopped me from suicide. One is my cat, one of the few beings on this planet who actually fucking cares about me. The other is just a lack of planning. I don't know how I would even do it.
If the universe is out to kill me, can it please hurry? I want to fall asleep tonight and never wake up. That would literally be the best thing to ever happen to me. If I died tonight, my one friend and my cat would be upset. Everyone else would get over it within 2 weeks I feel like.
|
self-harm
|
i keep looking back on my life, and i can't help but feel like the universe is trying to kill me. literally from the moment i was born, i had a breathing issue that had to be dealt with. less than a year later, i got a very bad case of the flu and had to get hospitalized. a few years ago, i slipped on something (still no idea what the fuck it was), hit my head, and could've bled out if the doctor hadn't hurried the fuck up. i'm also being driven to suicide by bullshit that's not my fault. i'm bisexual, so of course both of my parents seem to be biphobic. i've been to four different schools, two of which have consisted of mostly bullies and homophobes. at one of my schools, even the teachers hated me even though i was a well behaved student. it also doesn't help that i'm autistic, so going through all of this shit while only being able to keep one friend is tough. on the topic of my one friend, for literally no reason, i've just lost all interest in talking to him. i like him and he's really nice, i just lost interest for no reason. then that makes me feel lonely, and i feel horrible for not wanting to talk to him, which makes me even more depressed and even closer to suicide. there are only two things that have stopped me from suicide. one is my cat, one of the few beings on this planet who actually fucking cares about me. the other is just a lack of planning. i don't know how i would even do it. if the universe is out to kill me, can it please hurry? i want to fall asleep tonight and never wake up. that would literally be the best thing to ever happen to me. if i died tonight, my one friend and my cat would be upset. everyone else would get over it within 2 weeks i feel like.
|
Bullshit.
You can't depend on anyone. Friends, family, no one.
When I'm gone, only like 3 people will care.
Why do I try?
It's been a rough week and today might have broken me. If I do it it'll be before days end. About 4 hours.
Only thing stopping me is that I'm a fucking pussy like always. Don't have the heart to stay, don't have the balls to go. I wish someone would just end me. Just sneak up no warning and just turn off the fucking lights.
I quit and I'm sick of pretending I haven't quit. I was born a mistake, I've lived through nothing but mistakes, and the smart money says all I have left to look forward to is monotonous misery. Why bother?
|
self-harm
|
bullshit. you can't depend on anyone. friends, family, no one. when i'm gone, only like 3 people will care. why do i try? it's been a rough week and today might have broken me. if i do it it'll be before days end. about 4 hours. only thing stopping me is that i'm a fucking pussy like always. don't have the heart to stay, don't have the balls to go. i wish someone would just end me. just sneak up no warning and just turn off the fucking lights. i quit and i'm sick of pretending i haven't quit. i was born a mistake, i've lived through nothing but mistakes, and the smart money says all i have left to look forward to is monotonous misery. why bother?
|
I’ve already been without for a couple. I feel dizzy and tired and awful. It’s really not helping my already fragile state. I just really need support right now to keep going. I’m just waiting for my already suicidal thoughts to go haywire as my body already is going crazy. I’m already in such a dark place in my life and this was absolutely the worst time for me to run out and the pharmacy/doctors to be fucking up. Fuck this!!!
|
self-harm
|
i've already been without for a couple. i feel dizzy and tired and awful. it's really not helping my already fragile state. i just really need support right now to keep going. i'm just waiting for my already suicidal thoughts to go haywire as my body already is going crazy. i'm already in such a dark place in my life and this was absolutely the worst time for me to run out and the pharmacy/doctors to be fucking up. fuck this!!
|
My life is a big mess my emotions are always messed up. Ive been in love so many times but never ones has those feeling been returned. Even when i better myself like smile more often or workout, study or i act on my own beliefs nothing fucking works. Theres always something weong with me that peopla have to point out. I get to cocky i talk too much i have lame jokes i have no experience with mostly nothing. Ive been suicidal before but i think that my last minutes are counted and this time i will make sure i press that knife in all the way.
|
self-harm
|
my life is a big mess my emotions are always messed up. ive been in love so many times but never ones has those feeling been returned. even when i better myself like smile more often or workout, study or i act on my own beliefs nothing fucking works. theres always something weong with me that peopla have to point out. i get to cocky i talk too much i have lame jokes i have no experience with mostly nothing. ive been suicidal before but i think that my last minutes are counted and this time i will make sure i press that knife in all the way.
|
i wish I never existed, cuz then on the off chance that somebody cared for me, they wouldn’t be sad or annoyed cuz they’d never have known. i wish I wasn’t born, or born as a dog. I’m 14M and indian. I’ve been suicidal since I was 10-ish. I just can’t do this anymore. I wanna disappear off of the face this planet, someone pls end me, pls:)
|
self-harm
|
i wish i never existed, cuz then on the off chance that somebody cared for me, they wouldn't be sad or annoyed cuz they'd never have known. i wish i wasn't born, or born as a dog. i'm 14m and indian. i've been suicidal since i was 10-ish. i just can't do this anymore. i wanna disappear off of the face this planet, someone pls end me, pls:)
|
I posted here 12 days ago but I wasnt really successful with my suicide. Turns out stabbing is hard. Last June 3 my uncle (the one sponsoring my college) found out I didn't enroll. He told my grandma who told my mom. My mom was so angry and she beat me up and she said she was so ashamed she wished I were dead. I took it by heart and I was at my lowest at that time. By midnight I was gonna kill myself but I fell asleep. June 4, 4:00 am I went to the woods to stab myself but I was such a coward, it was really hard for me to do it and pieces of advice I got from reddit especially from a friend named David just went to my head. By 6 am I got up and went home telling myself things will get better. 12 pm my dad called (he only goes home by fridays to weekends) because he heard the news from my aunt (istg my relatives are all under our noses) so my dad called me saying that he was so angry I should pack up and runaway. I begged him I dont want to. By 2pm he was coming home so I picked up the kitchen knives and ran away to the woods. I was hiding there and I was planning to stab my neck by nighttime. I was just so confused; I wasnt angry, I wasn't sad. I felt empty and in pain and I just wanted to die. I heard shuffling footsteps by 5 pm and voila my mom found me. I was just so scared she was shouting at me to go home and face my dad. She got this big chunk of wood she beat me up till we got home. (idk how she found me tho) So I got home, faced my dad, and behold the most amazing man I will ever see. He listened to me and sympathized with me. He told me I should've told him about my problems because my mind is still very vulnerable and young. I didn't tell him about how suicidal I am. My mental state is still a sham to Filipino families. The only thing he didnt like about what I did was how this would bring shame to my fam since we are poor and my siblings' education lies on the judgemental hands of my rich relatives. Anyways he told me I should just get a job within two months to help with the financial problems. My only problem right now is how to face my uncle and all the relatives who would be saying Im an ungrateful, good for nothing, eldest daughter who dropped out from an oh so amazing career, with that private expensive prestigious med school. Anyways right now I feel at peace that my dad (and my mom kinda) is warming up to accepting my decisions. All there's left to do is to not regret the consequences of my actions. The lingering feeling of killing myself is still there. Hopefully I don't feel too suicidal again in the future.
|
self-harm
|
i posted here 12 days ago but i wasnt really successful with my suicide. turns out stabbing is hard. last june 3 my uncle (the one sponsoring my college) found out i didn't enroll. he told my grandma who told my mom. my mom was so angry and she beat me up and she said she was so ashamed she wished i were dead. i took it by heart and i was at my lowest at that time. by midnight i was gonna kill myself but i fell asleep. june 4, 4:00 am i went to the woods to stab myself but i was such a coward, it was really hard for me to do it and pieces of advice i got from reddit especially from a friend named david just went to my head. by 6 am i got up and went home telling myself things will get better. 12 pm my dad called (he only goes home by fridays to weekends) because he heard the news from my aunt (istg my relatives are all under our noses) so my dad called me saying that he was so angry i should pack up and runaway. i begged him i dont want to. by 2pm he was coming home so i picked up the kitchen knives and ran away to the woods. i was hiding there and i was planning to stab my neck by nighttime. i was just so confused; i wasnt angry, i wasn't sad. i felt empty and in pain and i just wanted to die. i heard shuffling footsteps by 5 pm and voila my mom found me. i was just so scared she was shouting at me to go home and face my dad. she got this big chunk of wood she beat me up till we got home. (idk how she found me tho) so i got home, faced my dad, and behold the most amazing man i will ever see. he listened to me and sympathized with me. he told me i should've told him about my problems because my mind is still very vulnerable and young. i didn't tell him about how suicidal i am. my mental state is still a sham to filipino families. the only thing he didnt like about what i did was how this would bring shame to my fam since we are poor and my siblings' education lies on the judgemental hands of my rich relatives. anyways he told me i should just get a job within two months to help with the financial problems. my only problem right now is how to face my uncle and all the relatives who would be saying im an ungrateful, good for nothing, eldest daughter who dropped out from an oh so amazing career, with that private expensive prestigious med school. anyways right now i feel at peace that my dad (and my mom kinda) is warming up to accepting my decisions. all there's left to do is to not regret the consequences of my actions. the lingering feeling of killing myself is still there. hopefully i don't feel too suicidal again in the future.
|
That's all. Pretty much done trying but whatever. I'll give it a go.
|
self-harm
|
that's all. pretty much done trying but whatever. i'll give it a go.
|
TW self harm??
Hour by hour I can feel myself slipping. I have almost no hope left. I don’t talk to anyone at all, haven’t for a week, it’s just been me, a game and my thoughts. For me, there is no help. No medicine, no therapy is going to bring back what I lost. I can’t fight anymore. I’m so tired of holding on. I don’t even know if I should wait another day, to see if the person I love will come back, or a few days until my mail comes, or just do it now in the dead of night. Nobody awake, nobody to help or to see me, hear me. I don’t want to be alive, just to suffer like this. I think in at most a week I’ll be dead. I sh every night to get my pain tolerance higher just so eventually I can do enough to stop the suffering. Sometimes I don’t even want to. Don’t want to feel the pain but I force myself to just so I can get used to it. The thought of putting more scars onto my body doesn’t even come across my mind when I do it. I can’t even care that even if I survive this huge ass tremor, I’ll have permanently ruined my body. I’m sorry if venting like this is against the rules. I do not have anyone to go to. Nothing helps...it’s 5 in the morning and I’m bawling my eyes out with a razor in my hand and the full power to completely end my life. Idk why I’m scared, or hesitant. I might just end up walking to a hardware store and buying some sturdy rope and doing it the hard way. It’d only be like a 40 min trip. Didn’t really wanna go out by suffocation but my standards are low at this point, I’ll take anything I can get. Anything else would be against the law and I can’t really risk that. I doubt anyone will see this...but I’m just at wits end. There is not one day, that I don’t go a few hours without fantasizing about the end. A full fledged fantasy, that no help will stop. What do I do, I’m so tired
|
self-harm
|
tw self harm?? hour by hour i can feel myself slipping. i have almost no hope left. i don't talk to anyone at all, haven't for a week, it's just been me, a game and my thoughts. for me, there is no help. no medicine, no therapy is going to bring back what i lost. i can't fight anymore. i'm so tired of holding on. i don't even know if i should wait another day, to see if the person i love will come back, or a few days until my mail comes, or just do it now in the dead of night. nobody awake, nobody to help or to see me, hear me. i don't want to be alive, just to suffer like this. i think in at most a week i'll be dead. i sh every night to get my pain tolerance higher just so eventually i can do enough to stop the suffering. sometimes i don't even want to. don't want to feel the pain but i force myself to just so i can get used to it. the thought of putting more scars onto my body doesn't even come across my mind when i do it. i can't even care that even if i survive this huge ass tremor, i'll have permanently ruined my body. i'm sorry if venting like this is against the rules. i do not have anyone to go to. nothing helps..it's 5 in the morning and i'm bawling my eyes out with a razor in my hand and the full power to completely end my life. idk why i'm scared, or hesitant. i might just end up walking to a hardware store and buying some sturdy rope and doing it the hard way. it'd only be like a 40 min trip. didn't really wanna go out by suffocation but my standards are low at this point, i'll take anything i can get. anything else would be against the law and i can't really risk that. i doubt anyone will see this..but i'm just at wits end. there is not one day, that i don't go a few hours without fantasizing about the end. a full fledged fantasy, that no help will stop. what do i do, i'm so tired
|
Everytime my mind tells me soemthing is dangerous! I reply - "whats the worse than can happen, death well i wouldn't mind it... it will be better"!
I dont think i can call myself suicidql with this but gosh i so wish something that kills me happens quick easy and without me knowing! Like i blink and i am gone! No thoughts no ideas no pain!
|
self-harm
|
everytime my mind tells me soemthing is dangerous! i reply - "whats the worse than can happen, death well i wouldn't mind it.. it will be better"! i dont think i can call myself suicidql with this but gosh i so wish something that kills me happens quick easy and without me knowing! like i blink and i am gone! no thoughts no ideas no pain!
|
I've been thinking about it for a while and I think today would be a fitting day for me to meet my end. I just want to erase myself from the world. I don't deserve to live.
|
self-harm
|
i've been thinking about it for a while and i think today would be a fitting day for me to meet my end. i just want to erase myself from the world. i don't deserve to live.
|
My own mother says this. **Constantly**. I imagine just about every single person in my life tells me this.
I am a perpetual strain on her and those around me. Fortunately, that has never been many people, so the misery I cause is fairly limited (I suspect because people can sense just what a vile thing I am from a mile out). But it is there, and it seems only right to put an end to that.
If I cannot even form an understanding with others, then what difference does it make if I'm alive or dead? And since this causes me so much frustration and grief, why indeed wouldn't I just end it?
It is not possible to love what you do not understand.
|
self-harm
|
my own mother says this. **constantly**. i imagine just about every single person in my life tells me this. i am a perpetual strain on her and those around me. fortunately, that has never been many people, so the misery i cause is fairly limited (i suspect because people can sense just what a vile thing i am from a mile out). but it is there, and it seems only right to put an end to that. if i cannot even form an understanding with others, then what difference does it make if i'm alive or dead? and since this causes me so much frustration and grief, why indeed wouldn't i just end it? it is not possible to love what you do not understand.
|
And my mom said no because she doesn’t want to pay the fees since we live in an apartment. This is the same person who told me to stop bothering her and just kill myself by jumping in front of a car. In addition to the other physical, emotional abuse she’s done to me. She pretends as if she’s never done anything to me and says that I’m a parasite for leeching off of her. Honestly, if I weren’t such a pussy, I would have killed myself already.
|
self-harm
|
and my mom said no because she doesn't want to pay the fees since we live in an apartment. this is the same person who told me to stop bothering her and just kill myself by jumping in front of a car. in addition to the other physical, emotional abuse she's done to me. she pretends as if she's never done anything to me and says that i'm a parasite for leeching off of her. honestly, if i weren't such a pussy, i would have killed myself already.
|
I’m still strapped in to the roller coaster car. I fell the many ups. But I still the many downs. Even when I’m on a flat. I don’t fell the ups. I don’t fell the sow steady build of expectations and achievement. I don’t feel the anxiety resolution of reaching the tip tippy top! I don’t fee the awwww and calm of success and Triumph. No. I feel the chock of my gut in my throat from rush of being left behind, passed over, and forgotten. I feel the gravity of all those, just one times I messed up. I fell the pain of as I strain to keep my grip. I hear the whooshing from all the inner voices telling me what I need/should/could/can’t/won’t/can/will do and just plain out unable. I see the dark of the tunnel walls traps g me inside with a light at the end. But I’m and becoming ever more convinced the light at the end is just to far. I want off the coaster car for I’m semi-certain this car is off the track and in a feel fall. I can pull the latch beneath my finger tips. All it would take is a slow steady pull till the click.
|
self-harm
|
i'm still strapped in to the roller coaster car. i fell the many ups. but i still the many downs. even when i'm on a flat. i don't fell the ups. i don't fell the sow steady build of expectations and achievement. i don't feel the anxiety resolution of reaching the tip tippy top! i don't fee the a and calm of success and triumph. no. i feel the chock of my gut in my throat from rush of being left behind, passed over, and forgotten. i feel the gravity of all those, just one times i messed up. i fell the pain of as i strain to keep my grip. i hear the whooshing from all the inner voices telling me what i need/should/could/can't/won't/can/will do and just plain out unable. i see the dark of the tunnel walls traps g me inside with a light at the end. but i'm and becoming ever more convinced the light at the end is just to far. i want off the coaster car for i'm semi-certain this car is off the track and in a feel fall. i can pull the latch beneath my finger tips. all it would take is a slow steady pull till the click.
|
Endless pain, lonely nights, parents don’t even let me drink so I just have to sit here and feel it all.
|
self-harm
|
endless pain, lonely nights, parents don't even let me drink so i just have to sit here and feel it all.
|
Hey.
so I have made a post in the subreddit about My first ex and how I am trying to cope,
my ex is currently still at home. He would have been shipped out to D.C. but since the rodeo is crazy, he is coding from his home here where he grew up.
so I am about 6 months out after he broke up from me. I’m not the best, but better then January we have been keeping in Touch in very light ways, not too much detail. He wanted to make sure he didn’t kill me I think. And he would let me throw a tantrum in these texts about how I hate my life, my 2700 debt, my lack of education, how I feel like I’m in so little control. being an Aspie.
, i have a blow up and settle down to a still unhappy Simmer. this was March- June.
today out of the blue, he texts me around noon to take me to ice cream. With his buddy. And I feel like im getting back to normal, I felt his eyes were still very pretty, but I focused on being a friend and it goes well.
i am about to sleep, but then I text him a thank you about the ice cream, and that’s when the I.v. Of casual pain started.
I was causally showed his new boyfriend. He looks like a better, sexier, beefier me. My eye color, my chest hair, my beefy build. He is disabled like me, has a troubled past like me, is insecure like me.
And then goes on to explain how they met a month ago, how they already signed a lease for a 3,000 dollar a month apartment. And I’m taking his in and acting like I care, just not in the painful amount it does.
It’s been a very short time in my perspective. And I’m already replaceable. I’m just as replacable as the A.i . Man fiend he makes for his work.
And I’m telling him it hurts a little to hear this stuff, but inside, I’m taken back to when he first dumped me months ago I wanted to hand myself with the extension cord, but the only thing that I got was that I could nit stand up I was that upset.
Hearing about how he would do things sexually to him and how much I really wanted him to do those things to me. When we dated.( his eyes were pretty, but if I’m being pervy, he has the cutest brown-orangish Mexican bubble butt).
Ans I acted like I was proud of him, I am. I really am. Just it feels like that guy is a stand in for me.
I’m ashamed to say I still care for him. Aspie habits die hard.
I wanted to die a couple hours ago...
But my estranged mom picked up the phone when I called, and I cried like a bitch to my mom for the first time in 10years.
“I miss him.” I would say.
“ you miss him keeping you a dirty secret?” She would reply, and I would feel better I’ve rate course of an hour.
And I am here in bed, on this July 4th morning, I want to keep it together today, please. And keep looking up.
|
self-harm
|
hey. so i have made a post in the subreddit about my first ex and how i am trying to cope, my ex is currently still at home. he would have been shipped out to d.c. but since the rodeo is crazy, he is coding from his home here where he grew up. so i am about 6 months out after he broke up from me. i'm not the best, but better then january we have been keeping in touch in very light ways, not too much detail. he wanted to make sure he didn't kill me i think. and he would let me throw a tantrum in these texts about how i hate my life, my 2700 debt, my lack of education, how i feel like i'm in so little control. being an aspie. , i have a blow up and settle down to a still unhappy simmer. this was march- june. today out of the blue, he texts me around noon to take me to ice cream. with his buddy. and i feel like im getting back to normal, i felt his eyes were still very pretty, but i focused on being a friend and it goes well. i am about to sleep, but then i text him a thank you about the ice cream, and that's when the i.v. of casual pain started. i was causally showed his new boyfriend. he looks like a better, sexier, beefier me. my eye color, my chest hair, my beefy build. he is disabled like me, has a troubled past like me, is insecure like me. and then goes on to explain how they met a month ago, how they already signed a lease for a 3,00 dollar a month apartment. and i'm taking his in and acting like i care, just not in the painful amount it does. it's been a very short time in my perspective. and i'm already replaceable. i'm just as replacable as the a.i . man fiend he makes for his work. and i'm telling him it hurts a little to hear this stuff, but inside, i'm taken back to when he first dumped me months ago i wanted to hand myself with the extension cord, but the only thing that i got was that i could nit stand up i was that upset. hearing about how he would do things sexually to him and how much i really wanted him to do those things to me. when we dated.( his eyes were pretty, but if i'm being pervy, he has the cutest brown-orangish mexican bubble butt). ans i acted like i was proud of him, i am. i really am. just it feels like that guy is a stand in for me. i'm ashamed to say i still care for him. aspie habits die hard. i wanted to die a couple hours ago.. but my estranged mom picked up the phone when i called, and i cried like a bitch to my mom for the first time in 10years. "i miss him." i would say. " you miss him keeping you a dirty secret?" she would reply, and i would feel better i've rate course of an hour. and i am here in bed, on this july 4th morning, i want to keep it together today, please. and keep looking up.
|
the only thing keeping me alive right now is my significant other playing pokemon mystery dungeon. i love them so much and im glad theyre showing me what theyre fixated about and it make sme so warm and fuzzy inside but. i jsut
cant stop thinking about how i want to die. ive tried attempting suicide what like almost ten times these past two years? i always pussy out. im so stupid and selfish
|
self-harm
|
the only thing keeping me alive right now is my significant other playing pokemon mystery dungeon. i love them so much and im glad theyre showing me what theyre fixated about and it make sme so warm and fuzzy inside but. i jsut cant stop thinking about how i want to die. ive tried attempting suicide what like almost ten times these past two years? i always pussy out. im so stupid and selfish
|
Check the other post on this account. I won't kill myself cuz it has no sense. But its not like I want to live. Its, cant describe it but ik other people are the same and much worse. I can't even find myself into pure pleasure cuz I been to hardcore phase ( not gonna explain it to same motives i didn't go into that in the other post). I can't find nothing good for a long period of time and cant get my brain fried cuz ik how low is the low between highs . I can't , i don't whatever. Ik some neurochemestry &psychiatry ...don't help . Fk it . I could had it all, I rejected so much and now im done
|
self-harm
|
check the other post on this account. i won't kill myself cuz it has no sense. but its not like i want to live. its, cant describe it but ik other people are the same and much worse. i can't even find myself into pure pleasure cuz i been to hardcore phase ( not gonna explain it to same motives i didn't go into that in the other post). i can't find nothing good for a long period of time and cant get my brain fried cuz ik how low is the low between highs . i can't , i don't whatever. ik some neurochemestry &psychiatry ..don't help . fk it . i could had it all, i rejected so much and now im done
|
Its so fucking hard to find 100% painless way to die
|
self-harm
|
its so fucking hard to find 100% painless way to die
|
My mom (my grandma who i started living with when i was like 5 died in 2016). My dad just died. Overdosed. I pushed him away from my life. I'm 14, and all of this shit happening in so little time is really just.. horrible. Idk what to do. Feelign horrible. I'm having thoughts of the scenario of when his death occured. They wont leave me. It's gruesome. Horrifying. Him dead, the shot of his dead body, what it looks like in full detail. How to get rid of it, i'm just in total awe... Why him, what will happen for my grandpa whos in poor health and already went through the death of his wife... He is most likely developing dementia at this point of his life. Idk what to do man.
|
self-harm
|
my mom (my grandma who i started living with when i was like 5 died in 2016). my dad just died. overdosed. i pushed him away from my life. i'm 14, and all of this shit happening in so little time is really just.. horrible. idk what to do. feelign horrible. i'm having thoughts of the scenario of when his death occured. they wont leave me. it's gruesome. horrifying. him dead, the shot of his dead body, what it looks like in full detail. how to get rid of it, i'm just in total awe.. why him, what will happen for my grandpa whos in poor health and already went through the death of his wife.. he is most likely developing dementia at this point of his life. idk what to do man.
|
Having bad thoughts and I just want an easy way out but I know I could never do it. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life when I can barely get out of bed. I feel like I have a terminal illness with no cure I take anti depressants and they don’t do shit. I just want to feel fucking normal for once. I don’t even know why the fuck I’m making a reddit post I should just go to sleep so I don’t have to think anymore.
|
self-harm
|
having bad thoughts and i just want an easy way out but i know i could never do it. i just don't know how i'm supposed to live my life when i can barely get out of bed. i feel like i have a terminal illness with no cure i take anti depressants and they don't do shit. i just want to feel fucking normal for once. i don't even know why the fuck i'm making a reddit post i should just go to sleep so i don't have to think anymore.
|
part of me really doesn’t want any treatment for it, i just graduated highschool this year but with the virus and my new diagnosis i honestly just want to die. i don’t know how severe it is yet but all i know is if it’s bad, i’d rather just pass away from it
|
self-harm
|
part of me really doesn't want any treatment for it, i just graduated highschool this year but with the virus and my new diagnosis i honestly just want to die. i don't know how severe it is yet but all i know is if it's bad, i'd rather just pass away from it
|
I'm just a massive screw up, everything I touch I make worse, I'm not going to be remembered by anyone in a few days. I might as well make one last disappointment then everyone can move on. Good bye.
|
self-harm
|
i'm just a massive screw up, everything i touch i make worse, i'm not going to be remembered by anyone in a few days. i might as well make one last disappointment then everyone can move on. good bye.
|
My life's shit. I can't imagine a possible future worth living. Basically I'm gay in a homophobic fucked up cult, so either I stay miserable forever or lose everything I've known. Read my previous posts if you care.
Tomorrow I'm going somewhere that has a cliff. I know I shouldn't, but I want to so bad. The world's spiraling into oblivion, why can't I?
|
self-harm
|
my life's shit. i can't imagine a possible future worth living. basically i'm gay in a homophobic fucked up cult, so either i stay miserable forever or lose everything i've known. read my previous posts if you care. tomorrow i'm going somewhere that has a cliff. i know i shouldn't, but i want to so bad. the world's spiraling into oblivion, why can't i?
|
like im always making jokes with my friends and all, but if i told them "i want to kill my self", "i have suicidal thoughts every day", things would never be like they were before, they would always remember what i told them even if i act "normally" like the days before.
|
self-harm
|
like im always making jokes with my friends and all, but if i told them "i want to kill my self", "i have suicidal thoughts every day", things would never be like they were before, they would always remember what i told them even if i act "normally" like the days before.
|
Im shaking. I regret it so much.
please
|
self-harm
|
im shaking. i regret it so much. please
|
How much soap will kill me?
|
self-harm
|
how much soap will kill me?
|
Every time something changes dramatically in my life I also think the option to go is still there. It's strangely comforting knowing if it all goes to shit and you can't change things killing yourself is still there. I intentionally don't own much or allow myself to get too invested in things so if or when I finally decide there won't be as much for other people to clean up. No kids, no house, not married, and I don't own a car. I attempted a year long relationship that just ended on a vacation. This was my last attempt at the possibility that I could invest in something and the killing myself fall back would fade away. Unfortunately, the truth is it will always be there and I'll never make the progress that people expect of me.
|
self-harm
|
every time something changes dramatically in my life i also think the option to go is still there. it's strangely comforting knowing if it all goes to shit and you can't change things killing yourself is still there. i intentionally don't own much or allow myself to get too invested in things so if or when i finally decide there won't be as much for other people to clean up. no kids, no house, not married, and i don't own a car. i attempted a year long relationship that just ended on a vacation. this was my last attempt at the possibility that i could invest in something and the killing myself fall back would fade away. unfortunately, the truth is it will always be there and i'll never make the progress that people expect of me.
|
I have been ignored all my life i've been used all my life pushed over outcasted sterotyped stigmedzied ghosted belittled been though loads of drugs medications diagnosis wards runarounds told lies for hope forced to stay alive forced to like others and forced to be happy and fake. get on medication therapy wards whatever and still not happy need to fake being happy to get out. it's rdidclous the things i've seen and endured and all I want to know is why? why so presistent to force your view and deeds onto me. BE HAPPY or be locked in a ward forever until you are. So here, let me put up my good acting skills for ya and I'm happy, now alls good. Fake happiness for the people like me to get around this life and not live it out imprisoned in those wards otherwise.
|
self-harm
|
i have been ignored all my life i've been used all my life pushed over outcasted sterotyped stigmedzied ghosted belittled been though loads of drugs medications diagnosis wards runarounds told lies for hope forced to stay alive forced to like others and forced to be happy and fake. get on medication therapy wards whatever and still not happy need to fake being happy to get out. it's rdidclous the things i've seen and endured and all i want to know is why? why so presistent to force your view and deeds onto me. be happy or be locked in a ward forever until you are. so here, let me put up my good acting skills for ya and i'm happy, now alls good. fake happiness for the people like me to get around this life and not live it out imprisoned in those wards otherwise.
|
I’m going tomorrow. Early in the morning. Crashing my car into a concrete electric pole at lethal speed.
Edit- I’m going to try not to do it tomorrow
|
self-harm
|
i'm going tomorrow. early in the morning. crashing my car into a concrete electric pole at lethal speed. edit- i'm going to try not to do it tomorrow
|
I don't enjoy anything. I just pretend to enjoy things. Everyday is just a drag. What's it all for? And I dislike where the world is going with COVID. I have one online friend who I met in real life last year. We used to be in a relationship. Lately I don't really even feel like talking to him. I'm tired of everyone and everything. I kinda have been for years. I think it's just really catching up to me now. Talking to my friend just feels like a drag and a chore now. The affection we had in our real life meeting was really lovely. But I don't know if I even care about that anymore. Life just sucks and doesn't do anything for me. What am I doing here even?
I'm so tired of pretending. I'm not anti social but I can't relate to anyone and I can't really get along with anyone. I can't be my true self with anyone. I just have to be fake and pretend.
I want a rest. I really want a rest. I guess there's something wrong with me if nothing gives me joy. Everyone else has things that they enjoy, don't they?
I'm existing and suffering.
|
self-harm
|
i don't enjoy anything. i just pretend to enjoy things. everyday is just a drag. what's it all for? and i dislike where the world is going with covid. i have one online friend who i met in real life last year. we used to be in a relationship. lately i don't really even feel like talking to him. i'm tired of everyone and everything. i kinda have been for years. i think it's just really catching up to me now. talking to my friend just feels like a drag and a chore now. the affection we had in our real life meeting was really lovely. but i don't know if i even care about that anymore. life just sucks and doesn't do anything for me. what am i doing here even? i'm so tired of pretending. i'm not anti social but i can't relate to anyone and i can't really get along with anyone. i can't be my true self with anyone. i just have to be fake and pretend. i want a rest. i really want a rest. i guess there's something wrong with me if nothing gives me joy. everyone else has things that they enjoy, don't they? i'm existing and suffering.
|
I can’t really even remember when I last felt happy. I watched my boyfriend commit suicide & I was left to pick up the pieces. I ask myself why everyday. Five years have passed & it replays in my head so much. I was literally picking up pieces to ‘fix’ him. This has made me an anxious piece of crap. I have since married and had a child. Those five years flew by yet I still feel empty. I feel like I can’t be fixed. I can tell my husband is unhappy with me. He use to constantly show me off, post me to social media. Now it’s like I don’t exist. Other shit is going on with us & it’s just killing me more and more. I don’t think he loves me anymore. I can’t take another heartbreak. I really do love him with everything in me. But I think he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He just does more and more and more to push me away. I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. My son is the only reason I haven’t killed myself.
|
self-harm
|
i can't really even remember when i last felt happy. i watched my boyfriend commit suicide & i was left to pick up the pieces. i ask myself why everyday. five years have passed & it replays in my head so much. i was literally picking up pieces to 'fix' him. this has made me an anxious piece of crap. i have since married and had a child. those five years flew by yet i still feel empty. i feel like i can't be fixed. i can tell my husband is unhappy with me. he use to constantly show me off, post me to social media. now it's like i don't exist. other shit is going on with us & it's just killing me more and more. i don't think he loves me anymore. i can't take another heartbreak. i really do love him with everything in me. but i think he doesn't want to be with me anymore. he just does more and more and more to push me away. i wish i could go to sleep and not wake up. my son is the only reason i haven't killed myself.
|
I’m tired of waking up everyday living the same life. Tired of sleeping for two hours just to wake up with sadness, tired of smiling in public and crying when I’m alone. I’m tired of advising others and trying my best to make them happy while no one does the same for me. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t go on feeling guilt, sadness, worthlessness and hopelessness. I honestly don’t see a future for myself. I’m a 17 year old African girl and I have a loving family, but sometimes they’re the last people I want to see. I always put others before myself because I hate seeing anyone suffer because I know what it feels like. When I was younger, I was molested by some men and bullied by some of my classmates in middle school. I was also teased and called weird a million times by some classmates in high school. I thought this one boy was different and that he actually cared about me but he was just a player. Him and his friends placed a bet on me and used me, he was the first guy I ever really liked but he was no different than the rest. I’ve been suicidal since I was a child and I’ve always been too scared to act on it, due to the fact that I was raised in a Christian home and know where I’d end up. Also, my parents used to argue a lot, my oldest brother went through something devastating for a long time, which affected the whole family, but he eventually went off on my birthday this year. That happening on my birthday made me feel even more guilty because I was aware of what he was doing but I kept it from my parents because I was afraid that he would would get physical with me, having had a traumatic past with men, mind you, my parents live in another country. I have a lot of problems which have affected me in general, although I act like everything is okay. Having African parents, I’m afraid to tell them anything about how I feel, because they’ll start asking questions I don’t want to answer. I’d rather speak to someone who doesn’t know anything about me and can’t judge me. I always isolate myself especially during this quarantine, I never leave my room, only when it’s necessary. My whole life is complicated, I moved from my home country to live with my two brothers in Canada. My grades weren’t perfect in my old school but they’re a lot better here cause the courses aren’t as hard as back home. So me having good grades makes my parents think I’m okay but I’m not. I’m really sorry if this is long but I just had to get some of it off my chest. There’s still a lot I haven’t typed but I’ll stop here. I’m just tired of this pain, guilt and sorrow. I don’t have anyone I can talk to and I fear I’ll do something to myself that can’t be undone. I don’t want to hurt my family and anyone who may care about me but I need to put myself first for once and end this misery. I always see happy people or even couples and it makes me wonder, “Am I ever going to have this?”. I don’t deserve anything good in this world and I just want to be out to rest.
|
self-harm
|
i'm tired of waking up everyday living the same life. tired of sleeping for two hours just to wake up with sadness, tired of smiling in public and crying when i'm alone. i'm tired of advising others and trying my best to make them happy while no one does the same for me. i can't do this anymore, i can't go on feeling guilt, sadness, worthlessness and hopelessness. i honestly don't see a future for myself. i'm a 17 year old african girl and i have a loving family, but sometimes they're the last people i want to see. i always put others before myself because i hate seeing anyone suffer because i know what it feels like. when i was younger, i was molested by some men and bullied by some of my classmates in middle school. i was also teased and called weird a million times by some classmates in high school. i thought this one boy was different and that he actually cared about me but he was just a player. him and his friends placed a bet on me and used me, he was the first guy i ever really liked but he was no different than the rest. i've been suicidal since i was a child and i've always been too scared to act on it, due to the fact that i was raised in a christian home and know where i'd end up. also, my parents used to argue a lot, my oldest brother went through something devastating for a long time, which affected the whole family, but he eventually went off on my birthday this year. that happening on my birthday made me feel even more guilty because i was aware of what he was doing but i kept it from my parents because i was afraid that he would would get physical with me, having had a traumatic past with men, mind you, my parents live in another country. i have a lot of problems which have affected me in general, although i act like everything is okay. having african parents, i'm afraid to tell them anything about how i feel, because they'll start asking questions i don't want to answer. i'd rather speak to someone who doesn't know anything about me and can't judge me. i always isolate myself especially during this quarantine, i never leave my room, only when it's necessary. my whole life is complicated, i moved from my home country to live with my two brothers in canada. my grades weren't perfect in my old school but they're a lot better here cause the courses aren't as hard as back home. so me having good grades makes my parents think i'm okay but i'm not. i'm really sorry if this is long but i just had to get some of it off my chest. there's still a lot i haven't typed but i'll stop here. i'm just tired of this pain, guilt and sorrow. i don't have anyone i can talk to and i fear i'll do something to myself that can't be undone. i don't want to hurt my family and anyone who may care about me but i need to put myself first for once and end this misery. i always see happy people or even couples and it makes me wonder, "am i ever going to have this?". i don't deserve anything good in this world and i just want to be out to rest.
|
I have distanced myself from friends. Broke up with my girlfriend. Lost my job. Saved money for my mother. It's beginning to look like a bleak future for me, friends. I don't have much family left so I hope that if I somehow don't make it- then maybe I don't leave a bad record. I wasn't the greatest of people but- I did try my best and made sure that my friends and family got taken care of. I just hope that everyone remembers to love and be kind to one another.
|
self-harm
|
i have distanced myself from friends. broke up with my girlfriend. lost my job. saved money for my mother. it's beginning to look like a bleak future for me, friends. i don't have much family left so i hope that if i somehow don't make it- then maybe i don't leave a bad record. i wasn't the greatest of people but- i did try my best and made sure that my friends and family got taken care of. i just hope that everyone remembers to love and be kind to one another.
|
The only thing I’m good at is sleeping and I can’t even do that anymore, it’s 3am and I’m wide awake just wanting to die, if that’s not a fat mood idk what is. I plan on ending things next week for good this time - life has no meaning anymore and this feeling of emptiness inside me is too much to bare. Rn the only thing keeping me going is knowing how upset my best friend and mum would be but even that’s fading now and I’ve written my suicide note. Everything’s fallen apart - my relationships, friendships, I’m not me anymore and I feel drained like I’ve been so busy trying to fix other people, there’s nothing left of me and I can’t get it back. The prospect of uni doesn’t even excite me anymore, I really want my time on this earth to end so I don’t have to keep waking up every morning to the same feeling of worthlessness that haunts me but I’m scared it’s going to hurt and I won’t just slip away peacefully like I intend.
Everyone keeps telling me things will get better but I truly don’t believe they will and my mindset doesn’t have the will power to change. I honestly feel drained like I’m a shell of a person whose just existing because of biological functions like eating and breathing but I’m not living and I don’t want to live if I’m honest. The world is so incredibly full of evil and suffering with people being the most cruel of all, I don’t want to go on like this. Thankyou for giving me somewhere to vent.
|
self-harm
|
the only thing i'm good at is sleeping and i can't even do that anymore, it's 3am and i'm wide awake just wanting to die, if that's not a fat mood idk what is. i plan on ending things next week for good this time - life has no meaning anymore and this feeling of emptiness inside me is too much to bare. rn the only thing keeping me going is knowing how upset my best friend and mum would be but even that's fading now and i've written my suicide note. everything's fallen apart - my relationships, friendships, i'm not me anymore and i feel drained like i've been so busy trying to fix other people, there's nothing left of me and i can't get it back. the prospect of uni doesn't even excite me anymore, i really want my time on this earth to end so i don't have to keep waking up every morning to the same feeling of worthlessness that haunts me but i'm scared it's going to hurt and i won't just slip away peacefully like i intend. everyone keeps telling me things will get better but i truly don't believe they will and my mindset doesn't have the will power to change. i honestly feel drained like i'm a shell of a person whose just existing because of biological functions like eating and breathing but i'm not living and i don't want to live if i'm honest. the world is so incredibly full of evil and suffering with people being the most cruel of all, i don't want to go on like this. thankyou for giving me somewhere to vent.
|
I’d rather kill myself than work a shitty job to live this shitty life. Nothing external could make my life better my brain is too fucked. I don’t really care about anything. One of the few things I care about is girls and shit. Like two girls like me but I don’t fucking know why. I hate everything.
|
self-harm
|
i'd rather kill myself than work a shitty job to live this shitty life. nothing external could make my life better my brain is too fucked. i don't really care about anything. one of the few things i care about is girls and shit. like two girls like me but i don't fucking know why. i hate everything.
|
I got a job as a full-time drive though teller last week. I had to quit today because it was too high pressure with all my mental health issues. My parents are upset with me and keep telling me to grow up. I'm not built for this world. The best way for me to feel better is if I'm dead.
|
self-harm
|
i got a job as a full-time drive though teller last week. i had to quit today because it was too high pressure with all my mental health issues. my parents are upset with me and keep telling me to grow up. i'm not built for this world. the best way for me to feel better is if i'm dead.
|
I'm miserable, every day I wake up with no excitement or joy just kind of dead. I feel like I have no emotion no happiness only a lurking sense of anxiety. My mind is static, I don't even really think about anything. I haven't looked forward to anything in years. I haven't had a job since February, I'm out of money. Honestly thinking I'd rather be homeless or kill myself than find another dead end job that drains me and pays me nothing. I just so over it. If it wasn't for my pets I'd have killed myself or disappeared myself onto the streets by now. I know my partner can care for my cat and my parents can care for my dog, but they're the only thing I love and care about and I worry that they'll miss me. They probably won't tho, they're just pets.
|
self-harm
|
i'm miserable, every day i wake up with no excitement or joy just kind of dead. i feel like i have no emotion no happiness only a lurking sense of anxiety. my mind is static, i don't even really think about anything. i haven't looked forward to anything in years. i haven't had a job since february, i'm out of money. honestly thinking i'd rather be homeless or kill myself than find another dead end job that drains me and pays me nothing. i just so over it. if it wasn't for my pets i'd have killed myself or disappeared myself onto the streets by now. i know my partner can care for my cat and my parents can care for my dog, but they're the only thing i love and care about and i worry that they'll miss me. they probably won't tho, they're just pets.
|
I'm not suicidal but I don't see any point to life anymore, we're all going to die so what's the point in fucking trying. No matter if you're the richest person or the happiest, either way you're going to die so who cares. Why would I put my self through torture and suffering for 60 years just for it all to go to waste and die. It's useless, there's no point in fucking living.
|
self-harm
|
i'm not suicidal but i don't see any point to life anymore, we're all going to die so what's the point in fucking trying. no matter if you're the richest person or the happiest, either way you're going to die so who cares. why would i put my self through torture and suffering for 60 years just for it all to go to waste and die. it's useless, there's no point in fucking living.
|
Or maybe it's more sadness never ends. I can't expect to feel happy all the time, but I'm tired of feeling like shit every day. I've worked hard to make changes in my life that I thought would make me feel better, but I only feel more empty now. My best friend fucking hates me, idek why I'm posting this anymore. I've felt done with life before but each time it gets harder and harder. I have less to live for the last time I was this suicidal. It fucking sucks, I want these thoughts to leave.
|
self-harm
|
or maybe it's more sadness never ends. i can't expect to feel happy all the time, but i'm tired of feeling like shit every day. i've worked hard to make changes in my life that i thought would make me feel better, but i only feel more empty now. my best friend fucking hates me, idek why i'm posting this anymore. i've felt done with life before but each time it gets harder and harder. i have less to live for the last time i was this suicidal. it fucking sucks, i want these thoughts to leave.
|
Been on and off the suicide idea for fucking almost a decade at this point and I've sorta rationalized this deathwish is gonna be a forever issue. I've found a way to help is not to just try to do positive things or things you enjoy but to do positive things that you enjoy. Gotta put em together. I've been painting 40k minifigures and going on regular bike rides though the forest near my place. Im in a better mood lately and have actual motivation for work. The thoughts going away i know damn well won't happen. My medication has even been messing the thoughts up even more, giving me motivation to do risky things and generally making me give less fucks than normal. Also being social impacts it a lot too. I have no friends except work friends and they can be incredibly grating to talk to. There are days i don't even speak a single damn word when not at work. So yeah, telling people to do things that'll help like a hobby isn't entirely ignorant if you're willing to ACTUALLY MAKE THE FUCKING EFFORT TO CHANGE. YES I KNOW IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE MOTIVATION TO DO ANYTHING BUT HEAVENS TO BETSY IT WORKS WONDERS WHEN YOU FIND SOMETHING YOU ENJOY.
|
self-harm
|
been on and off the suicide idea for fucking almost a decade at this point and i've sorta rationalized this deathwish is gonna be a forever issue. i've found a way to help is not to just try to do positive things or things you enjoy but to do positive things that you enjoy. gotta put em together. i've been painting 40k minifigures and going on regular bike rides though the forest near my place. im in a better mood lately and have actual motivation for work. the thoughts going away i know damn well won't happen. my medication has even been messing the thoughts up even more, giving me motivation to do risky things and generally making me give less fucks than normal. also being social impacts it a lot too. i have no friends except work friends and they can be incredibly grating to talk to. there are days i don't even speak a single damn word when not at work. so yeah, telling people to do things that'll help like a hobby isn't entirely ignorant if you're willing to actually make the fucking effort to change. yes i know it's almost impossible to have motivation to do anything but heavens to betsy it works wonders when you find something you enjoy.
|
You know the drill just another depressed child killing himself I know it doesnt matter but I felt like someone should know that I'm going to die thank you for the laughs and the crys reddit
|
self-harm
|
you know the drill just another depressed child killing himself i know it doesnt matter but i felt like someone should know that i'm going to die thank you for the laughs and the crys reddit
|
My step mother has just told me she wanted to kill herself. And I don't know what to do.
Recently, I could tell some things were wrong in the relationship between my father and her.
There were as an argument that shook the house late at night, my step mother began to sleep downstairs on the sofa.
I knew something was wrong. I thought this would all work out eventually. As this isn't the first time a problem has occurred between them. But no this was bad. Lately I could tell she was upset throughout the days I was with her.
But at my own stupid fault I ignored it, thinking it would just blow over.
My father is constantly at work, and she is mostly left alone with her two young children. On the days me and my brother come, we just stay upstairs or stick to the PlayStation. We don't really spend any time with her, as we are just teenagers wanting to be left alone.
But yesterday, she started to tell me things how she wished I would grow up and get a house so she could live with me as she hated it here. I kinda brushed it off. But later on in the day when I had just finished eating, she came in and had got some food for herself. As I was about to leave she told me to sit down with her, so I did.
We started talking, and I asked what had happened between my dad and her. She began to talk about how people were selfish and eventually said that she sometimes thought she should just kill herself. I rushed to her holding tell her not to think such thoughts and how everything is going to be OK.
I held her hand and told her not to worry, how everything was going to work out. I asked what really happened. She began ot tell me how she put trust in another family of ours. Talking to this person all the time but the person was recording their conversations. I don't know what she said, but I know when my dad found out he wasn't happy. And that's what probably struck the argument earlier.
My dad even took her phone off her, and now all she does these days is sit at home with nothing to do.
She then told me how she wanted to learn how to drive but my dad wouldn't let her. I don't know if any abuse has happened but I wouldn't be surprised.
As my father did use to beat up my actual mother.
I love my step mother, as she was a mother for me when my own mother couldn't be one. I stook with her throughout the rest of our conversation and we even did some puzzles together. I even checked up on her before I went to sleep.
And now I'm scared of what to do and how to help her, I'm definitely going to try and stick with her tomorrow. But I soon will have to go to my actual mothers house for a couple of days. And then she will be left alone again. I don't know what to do form here. I wanna help her and I don't want to lose her.
Could someone please advise me on how to help her.
|
self-harm
|
my step mother has just told me she wanted to kill herself. and i don't know what to do. recently, i could tell some things were wrong in the relationship between my father and her. there were as an argument that shook the house late at night, my step mother began to sleep downstairs on the sofa. i knew something was wrong. i thought this would all work out eventually. as this isn't the first time a problem has occurred between them. but no this was bad. lately i could tell she was upset throughout the days i was with her. but at my own stupid fault i ignored it, thinking it would just blow over. my father is constantly at work, and she is mostly left alone with her two young children. on the days me and my brother come, we just stay upstairs or stick to the playstation. we don't really spend any time with her, as we are just teenagers wanting to be left alone. but yesterday, she started to tell me things how she wished i would grow up and get a house so she could live with me as she hated it here. i kinda brushed it off. but later on in the day when i had just finished eating, she came in and had got some food for herself. as i was about to leave she told me to sit down with her, so i did. we started talking, and i asked what had happened between my dad and her. she began to talk about how people were selfish and eventually said that she sometimes thought she should just kill herself. i rushed to her holding tell her not to think such thoughts and how everything is going to be ok. i held her hand and told her not to worry, how everything was going to work out. i asked what really happened. she began ot tell me how she put trust in another family of ours. talking to this person all the time but the person was recording their conversations. i don't know what she said, but i know when my dad found out he wasn't happy. and that's what probably struck the argument earlier. my dad even took her phone off her, and now all she does these days is sit at home with nothing to do. she then told me how she wanted to learn how to drive but my dad wouldn't let her. i don't know if any abuse has happened but i wouldn't be surprised. as my father did use to beat up my actual mother. i love my step mother, as she was a mother for me when my own mother couldn't be one. i stook with her throughout the rest of our conversation and we even did some puzzles together. i even checked up on her before i went to sleep. and now i'm scared of what to do and how to help her, i'm definitely going to try and stick with her tomorrow. but i soon will have to go to my actual mothers house for a couple of days. and then she will be left alone again. i don't know what to do form here. i wanna help her and i don't want to lose her. could someone please advise me on how to help her.
|
I feel like ive totally wasted my life and will continue to do so. I am ashamed of how little ive accomplished and how i havent contributed anything to the world. why do i feel so much guilt for existing? is this how its supposed to be? how do i feel like im a person worth keeping alive
i hope this belongs here. its not urgent but i do think about it
|
self-harm
|
i feel like ive totally wasted my life and will continue to do so. i am ashamed of how little ive accomplished and how i havent contributed anything to the world. why do i feel so much guilt for existing? is this how its supposed to be? how do i feel like im a person worth keeping alive i hope this belongs here. its not urgent but i do think about it
|
People tell you that you are a good friend, and a good listener. They like you because you can give advice and they think that you are happy and a great person.
When you feel bad and need someone to talk to, you talk to that person that told you that you can count with, no matter what.
You speak to them, telling them that you are actually depressed and feel bad. Some of them will tell you that they feel worse and start talking about themselves, and others will feel that you’re just pretending to be sad and playing with the word “depression” or “anxiety” as everyone does.
Some of them, and I don’t if they are the worst or best ones, get away from you. They notice that you aren’t the one that they were seeking for in their lives, and some of them want to protect themselves, or they are just not interest on having a depressed fucking friend because it is BORING and sad to give advice and love to one of them.
YOU LOVE and trust in someone again, and feel like they like you too and they care about you, you think they are your friends but when you need help they don’t like you anymore and you don’t have that person in your life that made you think that you are a little bit more important in the world.
I’m not asking for help out of here anymore, I can’t handle it again.
|
self-harm
|
people tell you that you are a good friend, and a good listener. they like you because you can give advice and they think that you are happy and a great person. when you feel bad and need someone to talk to, you talk to that person that told you that you can count with, no matter what. you speak to them, telling them that you are actually depressed and feel bad. some of them will tell you that they feel worse and start talking about themselves, and others will feel that you're just pretending to be sad and playing with the word "depression" or "anxiety" as everyone does. some of them, and i don't if they are the worst or best ones, get away from you. they notice that you aren't the one that they were seeking for in their lives, and some of them want to protect themselves, or they are just not interest on having a depressed fucking friend because it is boring and sad to give advice and love to one of them. you love and trust in someone again, and feel like they like you too and they care about you, you think they are your friends but when you need help they don't like you anymore and you don't have that person in your life that made you think that you are a little bit more important in the world. i'm not asking for help out of here anymore, i can't handle it again.
|
We don't have guns in our house so shooting myself is out of the question I could always pull an anime and jump off a roof but schools out and my house isn't tall enough to kill myself I'd break a few bones but eh and I suppose I could stab myself but that could take awhile and it would be hard to stab yourself anywhere vital I don't have rope to hang myself so that's out the question to so any creative ways so I can kill myself and everyone can be done with my crap and I'll be free of the worlds bullshit
|
self-harm
|
we don't have guns in our house so shooting myself is out of the question i could always pull an anime and jump off a roof but schools out and my house isn't tall enough to kill myself i'd break a few bones but eh and i suppose i could stab myself but that could take awhile and it would be hard to stab yourself anywhere vital i don't have rope to hang myself so that's out the question to so any creative ways so i can kill myself and everyone can be done with my crap and i'll be free of the worlds bullshit
|
but i cant do it myself, i hope i just die
|
self-harm
|
but i cant do it myself, i hope i just die
|
my mini journals on reddit help while I'm in tears
|
self-harm
|
my mini journals on reddit help while i'm in tears
|
Why am I always just sad? I haven't had a day where I haven't felt like I should just disappear. I just watch videos about suicide online and how easy it is. I've even thought about what I'd write on my note that I'd leave behind. I have a friend who knows about what I feel like but after I told him I still felt empty. I've tried telling my parents but I chickened out after crying a bit. By the way this is my first post on Reddit and might be my last depending on how I feel after posting this. I'm sorry to be a burden to you guys.
|
self-harm
|
why am i always just sad? i haven't had a day where i haven't felt like i should just disappear. i just watch videos about suicide online and how easy it is. i've even thought about what i'd write on my note that i'd leave behind. i have a friend who knows about what i feel like but after i told him i still felt empty. i've tried telling my parents but i chickened out after crying a bit. by the way this is my first post on reddit and might be my last depending on how i feel after posting this. i'm sorry to be a burden to you guys.
|
I'm genuinely not interested in this world. Most of the people who I have met disgust me for some reason or another, even my family. I want to die simply because this life doesn't interest me. I think something like a civil war would give me something to do so I don't want to die. I feel bad though because I think its a selfish idea. Thoughts?
|
self-harm
|
i'm genuinely not interested in this world. most of the people who i have met disgust me for some reason or another, even my family. i want to die simply because this life doesn't interest me. i think something like a civil war would give me something to do so i don't want to die. i feel bad though because i think its a selfish idea. thoughts?
|
Would it be wrong to kill myself if I never had nothing going on for my life?.
Would it be wrong to *kms* because I'm a **loser** in life.
My parents never gave a shit about me.
Besides giving the stuff that I need to survive as if I were their pet.
*(being emotionally neglected as a child is just great*
If reincarnation existed would u like to die?
Just so u can re-live another day where you can get the chance to get a normal life
I was home-schooled half of
7th, 8th, & 9th grade because of the lack of social skills that I had, social anxiety and later on depression
This lasted around 7th - 10th grade.
Taking this online school made me graduate high-school early at the age of 15.
(I kind of cheated through it though)
But I still got an easy Diploma
I'd say for two years of my life I did nothing.
From the ages of 15 through 16
Until I reached the age of 17.
I did do one year of college for hospitality management
Likewise. Things did not get better for me since then
I am still both socially awkward, isolated and depressed.
I am bored of life. helpless.❤ I have no friends, in which whom I can't relate to.
I live for what I like and love to eat. I barely have any hobbies besides cooking, singing, and drawing a little and watching YouTube.
My parents are very little when it comes to acknowledging my future.
Would it be wrong to kill myself even tho I got nothing going on for life? I am used to being depressed, Even though I am a stronger person for who I was before
Big point here. I won't kill myself because of that.
I'll just wait
|
self-harm
|
would it be wrong to kill myself if i never had nothing going on for my life?. would it be wrong to *kms* because i'm a **loser** in life. my parents never gave a shit about me. besides giving the stuff that i need to survive as if i were their pet. *(being emotionally neglected as a child is just great* if reincarnation existed would u like to die? just so u can re-live another day where you can get the chance to get a normal life i was home-schooled half of 7th, 8th, & 9th grade because of the lack of social skills that i had, social anxiety and later on depression this lasted around 7th - 10th grade. taking this online school made me graduate high-school early at the age of 15. (i kind of cheated through it though) but i still got an easy diploma i'd say for two years of my life i did nothing. from the ages of 15 through 16 until i reached the age of 17. i did do one year of college for hospitality management likewise. things did not get better for me since then i am still both socially awkward, isolated and depressed. i am bored of life. helpless.:red_heart: i have no friends, in which whom i can't relate to. i live for what i like and love to eat. i barely have any hobbies besides cooking, singing, and drawing a little and watching youtube. my parents are very little when it comes to acknowledging my future. would it be wrong to kill myself even tho i got nothing going on for life? i am used to being depressed, even though i am a stronger person for who i was before big point here. i won't kill myself because of that. i'll just wait
|
like why do we have to keep living this shit everyday, i think god should do an update and add a "quit" button, like wtf im not even important to anybody it wouldnt matter to anyone if i quit. fuck and being a pussy like me is fucking bad like, i cant even kill myself bc im afraid of pain. smh
|
self-harm
|
like why do we have to keep living this shit everyday, i think god should do an update and add a "quit" button, like wtf im not even important to anybody it wouldnt matter to anyone if i quit. fuck and being a pussy like me is fucking bad like, i cant even kill myself bc im afraid of pain. smh
|
Hey guys. So I was trying to make friends and someone told me to hang myself which got a lot of upvotes. I'm going to do it tonight so can I please get some advice on how to tie the knot. There is no reason for living anymore and I know people will probably post hateful comments here too. I am relatively attractive but for reddit need to kill myself because the incels hate me. About 40 of them have sent me messages now and I agree. I am evil incarnate. Please help me leave this world, please egg me on because I deserve to die. I have a knife which I will use to slit my throat and bleed out if I can't hang myself. I give up. Please send me motivation for killing myself, feel free to tell me I am an ugly slut, it will make me do it.
​
Edit thank you so much I will use the hangman's knot. Awesome. Thank you to whoever posted before it was deleted. I'm looking it up now
​
Edit 2 bye guys and thank you so much you did it
|
self-harm
|
hey guys. so i was trying to make friends and someone told me to hang myself which got a lot of upvotes. i'm going to do it tonight so can i please get some advice on how to tie the knot. there is no reason for living anymore and i know people will probably post hateful comments here too. i am relatively attractive but for reddit need to kill myself because the incels hate me. about 40 of them have sent me messages now and i agree. i am evil incarnate. please help me leave this world, please egg me on because i deserve to die. i have a knife which i will use to slit my throat and bleed out if i can't hang myself. i give up. please send me motivation for killing myself, feel free to tell me i am an ugly slut, it will make me do it. edit thank you so much i will use the hangman's knot. awesome. thank you to whoever posted before it was deleted. i'm looking it up now edit 2 bye guys and thank you so much you did it
|
I am done and want to end it. Of course I have a lot of debt from a credit card and with parents. Goal is to make sure family is safe from retaliation from law enforcement and debt collectors.
Living in California
I would like to liquidate my assets (car and cheap/old apartment furnishings) to give to parents tax free to off set damages. Cash, bond, ira savings, trust fund? Best way to maximize approximately $15,000 for family?
How can I protect family against retaliation from credit card company? I am the only signer on one credit card and a cosigner with mother to one with a different credit card company and bank.
Can Law Enforcement retaliate against family or investigate/tax/seize liquidated assets?
I am a cosigner for an apartment with my father until middle of next year, what's the best way to shield family from leasing agency retaliation?
It's safe to assume that committing suicide on private property is a huge headache for business owners. However the most effective way I can see to guarantee death would be to rent a gun from range and leave the body in an easily sanitized area. Goal is to go quietly and efficiently with as little concern from others as possible and as cheaply as possible. Would a gun range have liability immunity in this case?
Finally I want to guarantee the body be recycled/donated and no memorial/funeral service is conducted. Do I need a lawyer to be executor of this or can I simply get a notary or cheaper/simpler alternative?
Thank you for your advice/help with these questions.
|
self-harm
|
i am done and want to end it. of course i have a lot of debt from a credit card and with parents. goal is to make sure family is safe from retaliation from law enforcement and debt collectors. living in california i would like to liquidate my assets (car and cheap/old apartment furnishings) to give to parents tax free to off set damages. cash, bond, ira savings, trust fund? best way to maximize approximately $15,00 for family? how can i protect family against retaliation from credit card company? i am the only signer on one credit card and a cosigner with mother to one with a different credit card company and bank. can law enforcement retaliate against family or investigate/tax/seize liquidated assets? i am a cosigner for an apartment with my father until middle of next year, what's the best way to shield family from leasing agency retaliation? it's safe to assume that committing suicide on private property is a huge headache for business owners. however the most effective way i can see to guarantee death would be to rent a gun from range and leave the body in an easily sanitized area. goal is to go quietly and efficiently with as little concern from others as possible and as cheaply as possible. would a gun range have liability immunity in this case? finally i want to guarantee the body be recycled/donated and no memorial/funeral service is conducted. do i need a lawyer to be executor of this or can i simply get a notary or cheaper/simpler alternative? thank you for your advice/help with these questions.
|
I have spent years and years and years holding on to hope, and whatever I hold on to as hope whether it be a new lifestyle or love or habits or whatever, somehow always that hope is soured, and ends up hurting me instead. I am just....I am so tired of this. I am exhausted, I feel burned out. I put so much effort into improving my life and the lives of people around me, I put effort into relationships and love, and all that effort throughout time never has amounted to anything but me feeling alone, exhausted, and miserable. I've had a bad feeling this was my final year for a long while here and the way my life is going it just feels inevitable now. Death is my only escape from the endless dead ends in my life, from the constant struggles to improve my life and/or find some semblance of happiness or contentment. It all has gone nowhere and I just feel like no matter how the deck is shuffled, suicide is the inevitable end game here. I'm tired. I'm tired of exerting so much energy to feel better or make a better life or find love or do anything to feel happy and it resulting in disappointment and pain. I think I'm gonna buy a gun, and give my best friend one last chance to see me in person and tie up a few loose ends, leave some gifts behind, and just end this suffering. I really just feel like I extinguished everything and this is the only way out. I dont even want to try anymore. I have exerted so much energy trying to have a content life just to always be in pain.
|
self-harm
|
i have spent years and years and years holding on to hope, and whatever i hold on to as hope whether it be a new lifestyle or love or habits or whatever, somehow always that hope is soured, and ends up hurting me instead. i am just..i am so tired of this. i am exhausted, i feel burned out. i put so much effort into improving my life and the lives of people around me, i put effort into relationships and love, and all that effort throughout time never has amounted to anything but me feeling alone, exhausted, and miserable. i've had a bad feeling this was my final year for a long while here and the way my life is going it just feels inevitable now. death is my only escape from the endless dead ends in my life, from the constant struggles to improve my life and/or find some semblance of happiness or contentment. it all has gone nowhere and i just feel like no matter how the deck is shuffled, suicide is the inevitable end game here. i'm tired. i'm tired of exerting so much energy to feel better or make a better life or find love or do anything to feel happy and it resulting in disappointment and pain. i think i'm gonna buy a gun, and give my best friend one last chance to see me in person and tie up a few loose ends, leave some gifts behind, and just end this suffering. i really just feel like i extinguished everything and this is the only way out. i dont even want to try anymore. i have exerted so much energy trying to have a content life just to always be in pain.
|
I’m suicidal but I’m not saying I’m gonna actually kill myself yet. I just wanna know if jumping off a 10 meter (32 feet) bridge would kill me? If I jump head first so my head hits the ground. The ground is dirt.
I don’t wanna jump and end up alive in pain, or end up paralyzed or some shit like that. If I attempt I wanna be sure I die. There’s also coyotes in the area, I’ve ran into some before. So if I end up alive after jumping what happens if a swarm of coyotes finds me.. doesn’t sound too fun.
|
self-harm
|
i'm suicidal but i'm not saying i'm gonna actually kill myself yet. i just wanna know if jumping off a 10 meter (32 feet) bridge would kill me? if i jump head first so my head hits the ground. the ground is dirt. i don't wanna jump and end up alive in pain, or end up paralyzed or some shit like that. if i attempt i wanna be sure i die. there's also coyotes in the area, i've ran into some before. so if i end up alive after jumping what happens if a swarm of coyotes finds me.. doesn't sound too fun.
|
I either live until I die naturally or I kill myself. Neither makes any difference to me or the universe.
Living is hard. Circumstances don't matter, I just hate living. I used to think I felt bad because of external reasons but I've come to understand that I just hate existence itself.
Suicide is freedom.
Suicide is easy.
Suicide is selfish.
It would destroy my father and my sister. I love them. I don't want to hurt them.
But that in and of itself does not allow me to keep living.
It's equally selfish to make them my reason to live. That implies that whenever I get hurt me it's their fault for forcing me to be alive. Eventually I'll come to hate them for forcing me to endure the pain of being alive. Sometimes I already do.
I can't die because of them, but I also can't live a life I hate just because of them.
To go on living I need to make peace with myself and find my own motivation. Nobody else can do that for me, and I don't know how to do it myself. My only other options are suicide or killing myself with anti depressants. The part of me that hates being alive is me. Without it I'll just be an empty shell of a human.
|
self-harm
|
i either live until i die naturally or i kill myself. neither makes any difference to me or the universe. living is hard. circumstances don't matter, i just hate living. i used to think i felt bad because of external reasons but i've come to understand that i just hate existence itself. suicide is freedom. suicide is easy. suicide is selfish. it would destroy my father and my sister. i love them. i don't want to hurt them. but that in and of itself does not allow me to keep living. it's equally selfish to make them my reason to live. that implies that whenever i get hurt me it's their fault for forcing me to be alive. eventually i'll come to hate them for forcing me to endure the pain of being alive. sometimes i already do. i can't die because of them, but i also can't live a life i hate just because of them. to go on living i need to make peace with myself and find my own motivation. nobody else can do that for me, and i don't know how to do it myself. my only other options are suicide or killing myself with anti depressants. the part of me that hates being alive is me. without it i'll just be an empty shell of a human.
|
Ive been trying to date this girl. I spent like 4 months texting and calling her daily. One day while being in a call with 2 other friends 1 of them asked if we were something or if she liked me. She said absolutely no and that i was ugly. I left the call and cries in my bed for a while as im very sensitive to this kind of things. She proceedes to call me like 5 times and message me that she didnt mean it. I tell her im just searching someone not for a relationship but to talk and just vibe and have a great time. I dont want even kissing. Im not yet ready as im still young. She says yes and starts being a lot more affective. I started talking less to her because i thought that she would text me as i had done everyday for 4+ months. She stops texting me like for 2 weeks and we started talking again but much less. I dont know if i interperted it wrong but im nothing more than a friend to her. Ive tried with several girls and i always get rejected but with her is the best ive ever gotten. Should i continue and try to gain her or just give up and keep thinking of ending it all.(havnt mentioned but i have severe depression, mental issues and have tried ending it all). With her i felt that somebody cared about me and giving a chance to my life. Idk, ill leave it to you guys as i dont really feel like doing anything with my life anymore.
|
self-harm
|
ive been trying to date this girl. i spent like 4 months texting and calling her daily. one day while being in a call with 2 other friends 1 of them asked if we were something or if she liked me. she said absolutely no and that i was ugly. i left the call and cries in my bed for a while as im very sensitive to this kind of things. she proceedes to call me like 5 times and message me that she didnt mean it. i tell her im just searching someone not for a relationship but to talk and just vibe and have a great time. i dont want even kissing. im not yet ready as im still young. she says yes and starts being a lot more affective. i started talking less to her because i thought that she would text me as i had done everyday for 4+ months. she stops texting me like for 2 weeks and we started talking again but much less. i dont know if i interperted it wrong but im nothing more than a friend to her. ive tried with several girls and i always get rejected but with her is the best ive ever gotten. should i continue and try to gain her or just give up and keep thinking of ending it all.(havnt mentioned but i have severe depression, mental issues and have tried ending it all). with her i felt that somebody cared about me and giving a chance to my life. idk, ill leave it to you guys as i dont really feel like doing anything with my life anymore.
|
I've been thinking about a quiet way out. I don't want to get others involved, or hurt people, as impossible as that may seem. ATM, I'm thinking carbon monoxide poisoning through my car's exhaust pipe. I'm hoping to take sleeping pills and not feel a thing through the ordeal. Are there any other easier methods?
|
self-harm
|
i've been thinking about a quiet way out. i don't want to get others involved, or hurt people, as impossible as that may seem. atm, i'm thinking carbon monoxide poisoning through my car's exhaust pipe. i'm hoping to take sleeping pills and not feel a thing through the ordeal. are there any other easier methods?
|
I have written several plans so far and im not sure when its going to happen.
|
self-harm
|
i have written several plans so far and im not sure when its going to happen.
|
All I see these days is hate, ignorance, and warring between people. I want a safe space to feel loved and a community that cares about me. I’m a gentle soul and I just want a quiet, happy life... I don’t think that’s possible. I’m feeling more inclined to self-harm in order to cope. More than anything though, I want to disappear. I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to be on the defensive. I’ve already had an extremely rough life in my short 22 years and I’m tired of this. I want to live in a bubble but I can’t. Maybe I’ll end it instead.
|
self-harm
|
all i see these days is hate, ignorance, and warring between people. i want a safe space to feel loved and a community that cares about me. i'm a gentle soul and i just want a quiet, happy life.. i don't think that's possible. i'm feeling more inclined to self-harm in order to cope. more than anything though, i want to disappear. i don't want to fight, i don't want to be on the defensive. i've already had an extremely rough life in my short 22 years and i'm tired of this. i want to live in a bubble but i can't. maybe i'll end it instead.
|
I just always feel unhappy and when something does make me happy it just never works out. I like this girl and I'm a girl. I think she likes me but I doubt it. I feel like I'm just gonna break if i get rejected tomorrow. I'm not gonna confess just ask if she could take me home after work. I just wanna talk to her and get to know her. I feel calm and at ease with her. But I'm scared because I know she won't understand me. I've been through a lot. I'm always back and forth with depression. I don't have anyone that understands it. I just put it in the back of my head and ignore it. I just don't feel like I'm gonna ever meet someone who truely understands me and loves me especially because i can only fall in love with females. I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years and he just used me. Manipulated me did everything he could to keep me chained down. But at that time i thought i should settle down and just accept it. i'm not with him anymore cus I just wanted to find happiness if it exist but with who I am I honestly don't believe I'll find it. I've been depressed all through my childhood for as long as i can remember. I just feel like i can't stand it any longer just want it to finally end. My body issues drive me crazy physical and mentally. I just wanna find a loving girl thats real. But it's always about sex. No matter who I'm with even if they understand me 100% its just about sex and satisfaction for them. I'm just so sick of it. I feel like I'm completely alone I feel like I just always watch happiness of others from the sidelines while I stand here alone and unhappiness for most likely the rest of my life because thats all I've ever felt is pain and suffering. Am I really suppose to just take it and suffer endlessly like my mom did? She gave everything to her religion it never did anything for her. No matter what I feel I'm bound to a life of suffering even when I go through life being positive people just throw it back at you and hate you even through its just fake happiness.... fake smiles fake hope.... This is why i held on to my first love for 10 years... she gave me something to fight for, a purpose even if it was unrequited even if it hurt. it was still better than feeling so empty.... just having nothing. I can have everything in my life cars money job etc and not feel happy I don't care about that stuff I never have. The only thing in my life that has ever made me happy was the feeling of love...wanting to protect someone with everything you have. I love that feeling but it never lasts.... I'm just lost, and truely suffering.....
|
self-harm
|
i just always feel unhappy and when something does make me happy it just never works out. i like this girl and i'm a girl. i think she likes me but i doubt it. i feel like i'm just gonna break if i get rejected tomorrow. i'm not gonna confess just ask if she could take me home after work. i just wanna talk to her and get to know her. i feel calm and at ease with her. but i'm scared because i know she won't understand me. i've been through a lot. i'm always back and forth with depression. i don't have anyone that understands it. i just put it in the back of my head and ignore it. i just don't feel like i'm gonna ever meet someone who truely understands me and loves me especially because i can only fall in love with females. i was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years and he just used me. manipulated me did everything he could to keep me chained down. but at that time i thought i should settle down and just accept it. i'm not with him anymore cus i just wanted to find happiness if it exist but with who i am i honestly don't believe i'll find it. i've been depressed all through my childhood for as long as i can remember. i just feel like i can't stand it any longer just want it to finally end. my body issues drive me crazy physical and mentally. i just wanna find a loving girl thats real. but it's always about sex. no matter who i'm with even if they understand me 100% its just about sex and satisfaction for them. i'm just so sick of it. i feel like i'm completely alone i feel like i just always watch happiness of others from the sidelines while i stand here alone and unhappiness for most likely the rest of my life because thats all i've ever felt is pain and suffering. am i really suppose to just take it and suffer endlessly like my mom did? she gave everything to her religion it never did anything for her. no matter what i feel i'm bound to a life of suffering even when i go through life being positive people just throw it back at you and hate you even through its just fake happiness.. fake smiles fake hope.. this is why i held on to my first love for 10 years.. she gave me something to fight for, a purpose even if it was unrequited even if it hurt. it was still better than feeling so empty.. just having nothing. i can have everything in my life cars money job etc and not feel happy i don't care about that stuff i never have. the only thing in my life that has ever made me happy was the feeling of love..wanting to protect someone with everything you have. i love that feeling but it never lasts.. i'm just lost, and truely suffering..
|
Idl what to really do. I see a therapist but he tells me he can't really help me where my foster mom won't let me change to someone who might help. I've had 4 and they don't r really help much anyway. I was in a smaller town than a lot of people don't even understand how bad things are how much I've been through they just pretend to.I have insomnia and I shake a lot and had to take pills cuz my mom fed me drugs when I was a kid. I try to play sports but idk if I can keep doing it been doing for years but now I'm recovering from being underweight and I get bad tics. I really wish I had a mom or dad. My foster mom just gets drunk and yells at my brother. All of my brothers are mean even my younger brother has special needs but he knows how to follow the rules when he is being bribed and destroys stuff when he isn't. Summer school sucks right now and school might be starting there after the summer I don't know how I'm going to do it. I'm really funny in class and I act super cool a lot of girls want to be with me and stuff and then I come home and I don't do anything I just stay up all night and play games and do stupid stuff I have hurt myself a couple time are mostly wish that I could just not wake up or get taken out. I'm scared if losing all my friends even if most of them are fake because of sports or whatever. My mom b fed me drugs as a kid and she basically treated me like a baby until I was maybe ten my actual life started a few years ago and we got taken off but nothing I actually began it's just getting dragged on. Actually wish I could go back to my mom and eventually died from overdose
|
self-harm
|
idl what to really do. i see a therapist but he tells me he can't really help me where my foster mom won't let me change to someone who might help. i've had 4 and they don't r really help much anyway. i was in a smaller town than a lot of people don't even understand how bad things are how much i've been through they just pretend to.i have insomnia and i shake a lot and had to take pills cuz my mom fed me drugs when i was a kid. i try to play sports but idk if i can keep doing it been doing for years but now i'm recovering from being underweight and i get bad tics. i really wish i had a mom or dad. my foster mom just gets drunk and yells at my brother. all of my brothers are mean even my younger brother has special needs but he knows how to follow the rules when he is being bribed and destroys stuff when he isn't. summer school sucks right now and school might be starting there after the summer i don't know how i'm going to do it. i'm really funny in class and i act super cool a lot of girls want to be with me and stuff and then i come home and i don't do anything i just stay up all night and play games and do stupid stuff i have hurt myself a couple time are mostly wish that i could just not wake up or get taken out. i'm scared if losing all my friends even if most of them are fake because of sports or whatever. my mom b fed me drugs as a kid and she basically treated me like a baby until i was maybe ten my actual life started a few years ago and we got taken off but nothing i actually began it's just getting dragged on. actually wish i could go back to my mom and eventually died from overdose
|
i don’t want to die right now per se. i’d just rather not be alive. i don’t have a plan but i kind of wish i could just fall asleep tonight and never wake up.
|
self-harm
|
i don't want to die right now per se. i'd just rather not be alive. i don't have a plan but i kind of wish i could just fall asleep tonight and never wake up.
|
There Is No Convincing Me That I DONT WANT To Do This, Let My Decision Be My Decision Literally No One Would Care If I Died, And Ive Accepted That, But As Much As Im Stressed And Depressed And Just Wanting Out, I Cant Physically Bring Myself To Do It, Ive Stared At The Bridge Twice Now And I Started Climbing The Bridge Till Cars Came By, And Obviously Not Looking To Get The Cops On Me To Take Me To Psych Ward, And I Am Not Ready Yet, But I WANT To Die But I Cant Force My Body Or My Mind To Step Off The Bridge, And I Am Not Going Off Of Blind Faith That I Can Do It, Because Then Ill Chicken Out And Police Will Detain And Institutionalize Me, Keeping Me In A Hospital That Does NOTHING Good For ANYONE, And Racking Up More Medical Debt, If Some Of Yall Have Tactics To Physically Bring Courage To Me To Finally And Not Chicken Out This Time And End It, Id Be TRULY Thankful And While You Guys May Think It Would Bring Blood On Your Hands, Its Not, I Want This, And If You Folks Cant Provide That, I Know Death Will Tempt Me Soon, To Where I Do Have Courage, Can Yall Just Save Me The Time And Give Me Some Tactics To Finally Have Some Courage My Parents Always Complained About?
|
self-harm
|
there is no convincing me that i dont want to do this, let my decision be my decision literally no one would care if i died, and ive accepted that, but as much as im stressed and depressed and just wanting out, i cant physically bring myself to do it, ive stared at the bridge twice now and i started climbing the bridge till cars came by, and obviously not looking to get the cops on me to take me to psych ward, and i am not ready yet, but i want to die but i cant force my body or my mind to step off the bridge, and i am not going off of blind faith that i can do it, because then ill chicken out and police will detain and institutionalize me, keeping me in a hospital that does nothing good for anyone, and racking up more medical debt, if some of yall have tactics to physically bring courage to me to finally and not chicken out this time and end it, id be truly thankful and while you guys may think it would bring blood on your hands, its not, i want this, and if you folks cant provide that, i know death will tempt me soon, to where i do have courage, can yall just save me the time and give me some tactics to finally have some courage my parents always complained about?
|
Hey!! I have been feeling really down lately, i was wondering if i could talk to someone?? Maybe about why im sad.. or not. I just really want to cheer someone up! I know i should focus on my mental health but i know i'll never have the guts to take my life even if i constantly thing about it, and helping peollw and brightening peoples lives is one thing that makes me atleast a little happy. So pm me! Im a guy so no creeps in my pms thinking im a girl. :3
|
self-harm
|
hey!! i have been feeling really down lately, i was wondering if i could talk to someone?? maybe about why im sad.. or not. i just really want to cheer someone up! i know i should focus on my mental health but i know i'll never have the guts to take my life even if i constantly thing about it, and helping peollw and brightening peoples lives is one thing that makes me atleast a little happy. so pm me! im a guy so no creeps in my pms thinking im a girl. :3
|
I want to be sure about my exit before I announce it to anyone who might give a damn.
All my exes know I’m depressed as shit. They usually reply when I text them and are pleasant decent people. I’ve never told anyone IRL I’m suicidal but if they’re paying attention they prb know.
I don’t want to just talk about killing myself all the time bc that would just annoy them. But I do want them to know when I’m gone. That would require me telling them and then quickly proceeding to complete the task.
Then there’s the problem of my like-a-son, an ex’s kid who I’m still close with. I love him but I’m afraid my depression has already been transferred to the poor kid. I believe I am truly burdensome. I would want to notify his mom and let her decide how to share the news, if at all.
All day today I’ve been sitting on the couch and crying. I’m such a sad sack of shit.
|
self-harm
|
i want to be sure about my exit before i announce it to anyone who might give a damn. all my exes know i'm depressed as shit. they usually reply when i text them and are pleasant decent people. i've never told anyone irl i'm suicidal but if they're paying attention they prb know. i don't want to just talk about killing myself all the time bc that would just annoy them. but i do want them to know when i'm gone. that would require me telling them and then quickly proceeding to complete the task. then there's the problem of my like-a-son, an ex's kid who i'm still close with. i love him but i'm afraid my depression has already been transferred to the poor kid. i believe i am truly burdensome. i would want to notify his mom and let her decide how to share the news, if at all. all day today i've been sitting on the couch and crying. i'm such a sad sack of shit.
|
How do I tell my mom I’m suicidal and need to go to the hospital? I’m super close to her, she’s like my best friend in the world and my #1 supporter, and it would crush her to know how I’m feeling. She cares about me so fucking much and looks after me with my depression and anxiety, and I don’t want to scare her. It’s also her birthday in a week, so if I go to the hospital, I’m scared I would ruin her birthday. I don’t know what to say and how to say it, but I really need to go to the hospital.
|
self-harm
|
how do i tell my mom i'm suicidal and need to go to the hospital? i'm super close to her, she's like my best friend in the world and my #1 supporter, and it would crush her to know how i'm feeling. she cares about me so fucking much and looks after me with my depression and anxiety, and i don't want to scare her. it's also her birthday in a week, so if i go to the hospital, i'm scared i would ruin her birthday. i don't know what to say and how to say it, but i really need to go to the hospital.
|
I attempted suicide last night and if it weren’t for my dog I don’t know what would’ve happened. She saved my life, I was pretty out of it so I don’t know exactly what happened but I know she was there and that she stayed with me until I woke up and started breathing properly. Soon after she just got up and left. She always sleeps by my side but after what happened she went as far away from me as possible. Even this morning she’s acting weird. She’s normally happy when I wake up cause she knows we have a full day of fun together but today she just doesn’t care. Did I offend her because I wanted to leave? Does she think I don’t love her anymore?
|
self-harm
|
i attempted suicide last night and if it weren't for my dog i don't know what would've happened. she saved my life, i was pretty out of it so i don't know exactly what happened but i know she was there and that she stayed with me until i woke up and started breathing properly. soon after she just got up and left. she always sleeps by my side but after what happened she went as far away from me as possible. even this morning she's acting weird. she's normally happy when i wake up cause she knows we have a full day of fun together but today she just doesn't care. did i offend her because i wanted to leave? does she think i don't love her anymore?
|
But I managed to write my will and two goodbye letters, to my friends and to my (still) wife. Still need to write one to my son, get the pills and this shitty excuse of a life is done.
|
self-harm
|
but i managed to write my will and two goodbye letters, to my friends and to my (still) wife. still need to write one to my son, get the pills and this shitty excuse of a life is done.
|
I am having severe cramp rn It hurts soooo much than usual I feel like dying and it never stops. Painkillers, taking rest, nothing works. It just soooo hurts that it's even hard to sit on. The worst is, I just found out someone totally ignored me. Someone who pretended to be nice and caring just totally ignored me. When I found this I instantly burst into tears. It hurts much much more than this severe cramp. I am human being with emotions. When someone do this to me, it fucking hurts. I am done. I am fucking done. I am done people ignoring me, hurting me even if I try to be nice and caring even if I am also the one who needs support. It's not like anybody cares. I am totally hurt and exhausted. I dont want to live anymore. I am totally done.
|
self-harm
|
i am having severe cramp rn it hurts soo much than usual i feel like dying and it never stops. painkillers, taking rest, nothing works. it just soo hurts that it's even hard to sit on. the worst is, i just found out someone totally ignored me. someone who pretended to be nice and caring just totally ignored me. when i found this i instantly burst into tears. it hurts much much more than this severe cramp. i am human being with emotions. when someone do this to me, it fucking hurts. i am done. i am fucking done. i am done people ignoring me, hurting me even if i try to be nice and caring even if i am also the one who needs support. it's not like anybody cares. i am totally hurt and exhausted. i dont want to live anymore. i am totally done.
|
All do abandoned you, EVERYONE LEAVES YOU and thinks it's ok to do, everyone does, I've tried so many times for people to just stay and not go, not hurt, just take the time to understand and get me as a person, that's All I've wanted, community back, and they all take it, time and time again, I can't go on I really can't, why does everyone do it Everyone does it, it makes no sense, why???
|
self-harm
|
all do abandoned you, everyone leaves you and thinks it's ok to do, everyone does, i've tried so many times for people to just stay and not go, not hurt, just take the time to understand and get me as a person, that's all i've wanted, community back, and they all take it, time and time again, i can't go on i really can't, why does everyone do it everyone does it, it makes no sense, why??
|
I feel like I'm speeding down the freeway, headed towards the path of becoming another suicide statistic; but before I resign myself to that fate I want to at least make one last ditch effort to seriously make some changes in my life.
I've heard the horror stories of people who've been sent to a mental hospital, and I absolutely dread that happening to me. Not to mention the medical bill that comes along with it, which I definitely wouldn't be able to pay.
I'm gonna guess that telling them that I have a well thought out plan for my suicide probably won't go down well, but how much would I be able to tell them? Am I allowed to admit that I have intense suicide ideation, or do I have to dumb it down and pretend it's just occasional?
Thanks and much love to you all. no matter how alone you feel just know that I'm rooting for you x
|
self-harm
|
i feel like i'm speeding down the freeway, headed towards the path of becoming another suicide statistic; but before i resign myself to that fate i want to at least make one last ditch effort to seriously make some changes in my life. i've heard the horror stories of people who've been sent to a mental hospital, and i absolutely dread that happening to me. not to mention the medical bill that comes along with it, which i definitely wouldn't be able to pay. i'm gonna guess that telling them that i have a well thought out plan for my suicide probably won't go down well, but how much would i be able to tell them? am i allowed to admit that i have intense suicide ideation, or do i have to dumb it down and pretend it's just occasional? thanks and much love to you all. no matter how alone you feel just know that i'm rooting for you x
|
Everybody hates me and it’s all my fucking fault. I try to act funny but I usually say something that’s annoying or pisses someone off. I’ve lied many times and I’ve hated my self for doing that but now nobody ever believes me. And today they had enough they told me that you think your so cool that you lie and should feel bad. I told them I was sorry and I should kill myself and they just responded with “k” or “sure” because they Think I’m lying.
Not this time.
Fuck my life. nobody’s gonna care when I’m gone or if they are they are gonna do it for attention.
|
self-harm
|
everybody hates me and it's all my fucking fault. i try to act funny but i usually say something that's annoying or pisses someone off. i've lied many times and i've hated my self for doing that but now nobody ever believes me. and today they had enough they told me that you think your so cool that you lie and should feel bad. i told them i was sorry and i should kill myself and they just responded with "k" or "sure" because they think i'm lying. not this time. fuck my life. nobody's gonna care when i'm gone or if they are they are gonna do it for attention.
|
i have reached rock bottom and now i just dont know what to do anymore. i'll go out of my house after lunch and just walk. probably search for a high enough place to jump or wait for a car to hit me and finally end everything.
|
self-harm
|
i have reached rock bottom and now i just dont know what to do anymore. i'll go out of my house after lunch and just walk. probably search for a high enough place to jump or wait for a car to hit me and finally end everything.
|
I’m drinking in order to do something stupid. Im worthless and i can’t care anymore. Idk what it is I’m gonna do. Probably just self harm, let’s be honest. But we’ll see. While I’m getting drunk, what’s a happy memory y’all like to think about?
|
self-harm
|
i'm drinking in order to do something stupid. im worthless and i can't care anymore. idk what it is i'm gonna do. probably just self harm, let's be honest. but we'll see. while i'm getting drunk, what's a happy memory y'all like to think about?
|
My frustration, anxiety and depression are at an all time high. I feel like everyone hates me and I’m terrified everyday going into work. I’ve been suicidal for weeks.
I cried to my therapist about it 2 weeks ago and she didn’t have a solution for me. She started to tell me she thinks I use things, like my attitude and my weight (I’m about 75 pounds overweight), to push people away. I got upset because I was just trying to talk about how scared I was to go into work later that day. It felt unrelated and frankly, mean. By upset I mean I started crying harder and then I stood up and said “I don’t feel like talking about this anymore” and walked out.
I texted her today to see if she would be willing to write me out of work since I am still struggling significantly and we had talked previously about me taking a leave. She said no since I walked out that day and is refusing to take me back as a patient. She told me I need to find someone else to see.
This makes me feel even more abandoned and dejected - I feel like no one gives a shit about me or how I’m doing. Even my therapist who I’ve paid hundreds of dollars to and have been seeing for months doesn’t give a shit. She knows exactly how that would make me feel and doesn’t care. I’m heartbroken and feel like she’s leaving me with no solutions. Even if I found a new therapist it would take weeks to establish rapport enough that they would be willing to write me out of work. She knows I’m in crisis and that’s not a viable solution and she just doesn’t give a shit because I’m nothing but an inconvenience to her. Do these people ever actually care about the impact on their patients?
It makes me feel like my only recourse here is suicide. I can’t continue to live this way. So what other option do I have but to kill myself?
|
self-harm
|
my frustration, anxiety and depression are at an all time high. i feel like everyone hates me and i'm terrified everyday going into work. i've been suicidal for weeks. i cried to my therapist about it 2 weeks ago and she didn't have a solution for me. she started to tell me she thinks i use things, like my attitude and my weight (i'm about 75 pounds overweight), to push people away. i got upset because i was just trying to talk about how scared i was to go into work later that day. it felt unrelated and frankly, mean. by upset i mean i started crying harder and then i stood up and said "i don't feel like talking about this anymore" and walked out. i texted her today to see if she would be willing to write me out of work since i am still struggling significantly and we had talked previously about me taking a leave. she said no since i walked out that day and is refusing to take me back as a patient. she told me i need to find someone else to see. this makes me feel even more abandoned and dejected - i feel like no one gives a shit about me or how i'm doing. even my therapist who i've paid hundreds of dollars to and have been seeing for months doesn't give a shit. she knows exactly how that would make me feel and doesn't care. i'm heartbroken and feel like she's leaving me with no solutions. even if i found a new therapist it would take weeks to establish rapport enough that they would be willing to write me out of work. she knows i'm in crisis and that's not a viable solution and she just doesn't give a shit because i'm nothing but an inconvenience to her. do these people ever actually care about the impact on their patients? it makes me feel like my only recourse here is suicide. i can't continue to live this way. so what other option do i have but to kill myself?
|
Title says it all, people are fucking delusional.
|
self-harm
|
title says it all, people are fucking delusional.
|
I’ve been suicidal for 4 years. I believed those who said it would get easier. Looking back, they’ve never experienced such a level of self hatred and such immense despair...so how would they even know if it were to get better?
I’ve been fed false hope for years. The selfishness of those around me. To keep me here. So they felt better about themselves. And wouldn’t have to feel for 5 minutes what I’ve been feeling for 10 years. . I’ve been told that suicide is selfish. But who’s really being selfish. Why are you fighting so hard to keep me alive in misery, rather then let me be dead in peace.
I’m tired. I want to spread love and I want to spread my light. I have a lot of it. But I’m drained. Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally.
I have no fight left in me.
It doesn’t get better.
|
self-harm
|
i've been suicidal for 4 years. i believed those who said it would get easier. looking back, they've never experienced such a level of self hatred and such immense despair..so how would they even know if it were to get better? i've been fed false hope for years. the selfishness of those around me. to keep me here. so they felt better about themselves. and wouldn't have to feel for 5 minutes what i've been feeling for 10 years. . i've been told that suicide is selfish. but who's really being selfish. why are you fighting so hard to keep me alive in misery, rather then let me be dead in peace. i'm tired. i want to spread love and i want to spread my light. i have a lot of it. but i'm drained. mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally. i have no fight left in me. it doesn't get better.
|
I don't know why I keep having these thoughts. But the way people have hurt me make me wonder... if I died, would they finally care about me? Would they finally throw themselves on their bed and bawl for hours?
I'm sick of thinking about them. I want their memories erased from my head. But until then, it makes me want to die. I wish I could escape this world. I think of the fun times I had with my friends... until they just suddenly left me. And they didn't speak to me at all. It was dizzying. If I were to die, perhaps they would finally feel the same pain...
At the same time, I realize how fucked up I sound. I'm sick of these thoughts. They keep coming up, no matter how much I tell my head to stop spiraling into that sort of thinking process.
Even if they aren't empathetic it's a win-win. I would be dead, and they would finally be rid of me.
|
self-harm
|
i don't know why i keep having these thoughts. but the way people have hurt me make me wonder.. if i died, would they finally care about me? would they finally throw themselves on their bed and bawl for hours? i'm sick of thinking about them. i want their memories erased from my head. but until then, it makes me want to die. i wish i could escape this world. i think of the fun times i had with my friends.. until they just suddenly left me. and they didn't speak to me at all. it was dizzying. if i were to die, perhaps they would finally feel the same pain.. at the same time, i realize how fucked up i sound. i'm sick of these thoughts. they keep coming up, no matter how much i tell my head to stop spiraling into that sort of thinking process. even if they aren't empathetic it's a win-win. i would be dead, and they would finally be rid of me.
|
I don’t know how to deal with my life anymore, I’m doing bad at medical school and I think I’ll have to redo this year. My mental health decided to take a trip to Aruba and is not coming back. I tried to talk about my depression to my parents, the first time when I was 16 they found me selfharming and I had to tell them, they hit me and told me they already had 2 dysfunctional children ( I have two disabled slibings) and I was being lazy (I always help with housechores, babysit and I was the top student in high school) and that I should move out. I tried to talk to my mother of this years later and she told me “why don’t just get a gun and kill yourself”. Now when they think I’m sad they tell me to just get over it.
I’m failing at everything am doing right now, I can’t concentrate because I just wanna cry. I’m not living for myself, the only thing that keeps me alive is knowing that without me my slibings won’t have nobody to take care of them when my parents pass away.
I just want it to end, I’m tired and living feels pointless. I really regret my decisions in my life plan, I should have been honest with myself and no so immature.
|
self-harm
|
i don't know how to deal with my life anymore, i'm doing bad at medical school and i think i'll have to redo this year. my mental health decided to take a trip to aruba and is not coming back. i tried to talk about my depression to my parents, the first time when i was 16 they found me selfharming and i had to tell them, they hit me and told me they already had 2 dysfunctional children ( i have two disabled slibings) and i was being lazy (i always help with housechores, babysit and i was the top student in high school) and that i should move out. i tried to talk to my mother of this years later and she told me "why don't just get a gun and kill yourself". now when they think i'm sad they tell me to just get over it. i'm failing at everything am doing right now, i can't concentrate because i just wanna cry. i'm not living for myself, the only thing that keeps me alive is knowing that without me my slibings won't have nobody to take care of them when my parents pass away. i just want it to end, i'm tired and living feels pointless. i really regret my decisions in my life plan, i should have been honest with myself and no so immature.
|
Today I looked at my sister’s baby for the first time and said, “Im gonna be around for a long time.”
Ive always thought Im gonna kill myself. And I always think, I wont last long. I just felt like it was destiny.
|
self-harm
|
today i looked at my sister's baby for the first time and said, "im gonna be around for a long time." ive always thought im gonna kill myself. and i always think, i wont last long. i just felt like it was destiny.
|
I feel like I’m floating away from reality. I feel like I’m already dead.
I’m a great actor. I can smile and pretend that I’m happy but I feel nothing on the inside. I have nothing left to live for. It seems that everything I love gets taken away.
Why do I have to wait to kill myself? I deserve death after all I’ve been through. Not as a punishment, but as a blessing.
So stop trying to save me to fulfill your fucking hero complex. Stop being selfish. I’m not going to stay alive for you or for anyone anymore. All people do is hurt me. I’m just a fucking tool.
I died a long time ago. My soul left my body, and I’m just walking husk. You cannot stop me from pulling the trigger.
But of course none of you care. You wouldn’t even bat an eye at my death I bet. “What a shame” you’ll wonder and you’ll move on from you life.
No one loves a ghost
|
self-harm
|
i feel like i'm floating away from reality. i feel like i'm already dead. i'm a great actor. i can smile and pretend that i'm happy but i feel nothing on the inside. i have nothing left to live for. it seems that everything i love gets taken away. why do i have to wait to kill myself? i deserve death after all i've been through. not as a punishment, but as a blessing. so stop trying to save me to fulfill your fucking hero complex. stop being selfish. i'm not going to stay alive for you or for anyone anymore. all people do is hurt me. i'm just a fucking tool. i died a long time ago. my soul left my body, and i'm just walking husk. you cannot stop me from pulling the trigger. but of course none of you care. you wouldn't even bat an eye at my death i bet. "what a shame" you'll wonder and you'll move on from you life. no one loves a ghost
|
Just let me go already.
Why can't you let me go.
Why can't I let myself go.
Why do I stay here and be tortured every second of my existence.
Why can't you let me go, me.
Just let me embrace it.
The nothingness.
I lust for it.
I feel like im going insane at your expense.
I'm fucking splitting myself in twain.
I cant even think without second thoughts or thinking about myself.
I just want to stop.
Just dissappear.
Let me die in peace.
Help me.
|
self-harm
|
just let me go already. why can't you let me go. why can't i let myself go. why do i stay here and be tortured every second of my existence. why can't you let me go, me. just let me embrace it. the nothingness. i lust for it. i feel like im going insane at your expense. i'm fucking splitting myself in twain. i cant even think without second thoughts or thinking about myself. i just want to stop. just dissappear. let me die in peace. help me.
|
My existence brings nothing to this world and only pain to me. I’ve done nothing but hurt others and try to help me and then complain when i’m alone. i don’t mean to. i really don’t. but it still ends up happening. i can’t even fucking respond to text messages anymore. i can’t even do any of the things that used to bring me little blips of happiness anymore. i just sit and fucking rot. you’d think “well, if you can’t make yourself happy, why not sacrifice yourself for others and make something of yourself?” but i can’t even fucking do that. i was told to become a doctor. i can’t even do that. i can’t even force my useless, selfish ass to fucking study for long enough to be good enough. to give genuine effort. i have no friends, a few guys i sleep with/send to and that’s the end of that. i’m not even attracted to guys. i’m a fucking lesbian for christ’s sake. i’m so desperate for even a sparkle of positive attention i’ll let anyone do anything. i think a part of me is trying to get knocked up so i have an excuse to kill my self (as a method of abortion). another nail in the fucking coffin. my parents don’t care either. all that matters to them is that i remain presentable enough to not make others think they’re bad. and god forbid i do. i get it though. all i do is fucking eat. i’m a waste of resources, might as well give a return that way. and if i die, they can use me as an organ transplant or something. still beats me sticking around. not even old enough to legally drive and i’ve already fucked myself and others up beyond repair. what really drives the point home is that there are so many people worse off than me, but i still have the audacity to be worthless.
|
self-harm
|
my existence brings nothing to this world and only pain to me. i've done nothing but hurt others and try to help me and then complain when i'm alone. i don't mean to. i really don't. but it still ends up happening. i can't even fucking respond to text messages anymore. i can't even do any of the things that used to bring me little blips of happiness anymore. i just sit and fucking rot. you'd think "well, if you can't make yourself happy, why not sacrifice yourself for others and make something of yourself?" but i can't even fucking do that. i was told to become a doctor. i can't even do that. i can't even force my useless, selfish ass to fucking study for long enough to be good enough. to give genuine effort. i have no friends, a few guys i sleep with/send to and that's the end of that. i'm not even attracted to guys. i'm a fucking lesbian for christ's sake. i'm so desperate for even a sparkle of positive attention i'll let anyone do anything. i think a part of me is trying to get knocked up so i have an excuse to kill my self (as a method of abortion). another nail in the fucking coffin. my parents don't care either. all that matters to them is that i remain presentable enough to not make others think they're bad. and god forbid i do. i get it though. all i do is fucking eat. i'm a waste of resources, might as well give a return that way. and if i die, they can use me as an organ transplant or something. still beats me sticking around. not even old enough to legally drive and i've already fucked myself and others up beyond repair. what really drives the point home is that there are so many people worse off than me, but i still have the audacity to be worthless.
|
I just found out yesterday that my dad has covid-19 and the possibility of him recovering is slim because he's diabetic but he doesn't seem to be struggling so that's good. The only one's suffering is me, my mom and younger sister, it's been really hard and having no friends to talk to, just a girlfriend but I think this unfortunate situation is going to tear us apart. I've been planning my death since last year of July and then this shit happen, my family is poor and the road ahead seems like hell. I don't know how much I can take. Fuck 2020
|
self-harm
|
i just found out yesterday that my dad has covid-19 and the possibility of him recovering is slim because he's diabetic but he doesn't seem to be struggling so that's good. the only one's suffering is me, my mom and younger sister, it's been really hard and having no friends to talk to, just a girlfriend but i think this unfortunate situation is going to tear us apart. i've been planning my death since last year of july and then this shit happen, my family is poor and the road ahead seems like hell. i don't know how much i can take. fuck 2020
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.